….to be left in the comments here.

Constantine was the first astronaut, also, although the U.S. government has been suppressing the evidence Neil Armstrong found proving the emperor went to the moon in 322. After enjoying a picnic lunch in the Sea of Tranquillity (he left behind a ceramic decanter bearing his imperial insignia), he got the idea to take over the Christians and make them all call him Pappy or Papa, or, in Greek, POPE. Upon returning to Earth, he declared all women "constitutionally compromised," mandated that they be raped daily by a Catholic priest, and decreed that all men except a few bishops were inferior to him in wisdom and knowledge of the Bible. He shared power with those few bishops in exchange for land, buildings and war booty. At least 1 billion people died in Europe alone to sate his lust for power. We’re still paying for his sins of polluting the moon and suppressing the oppressed, thus setting up the social oppression and anti-environmentalism we live with to this day. The world would be such a better place if the words "Catholic" and "Church" had never been heard in the same sentence together. Thanks for nothing, Constantine.