Me: I saw Mrs. Miller today after Mass.

Katie: What did you talk about?

Me: Our ungrateful daughters.

(Pause. Double Pause.)

Katie: (tentatively) Really?

Me: (shrug)

Me: How was school?

Katie: It was great. I have the best lunch table ever. There’s Mona and Chloe and Logan and Billy and…

Me: How were were your classes?

Katie: Oh, first period is the best! Everyone’s in there. Nicole and Mona and Chloe and..

Me: I mean the content.

Katie: Oh fine. We have to write about Cry the Beloved Country (the summer reading) tomorrow.

Me: Okay, what about second period?

Katie: It’s okay. Only a couple of my friend in there. But the next class….

Me: (sigh)

Me: What did you do in school today?

Joseph: I don’t remember.

Me: What did the teacher talk about? Religion? Spelling? Math?

Joseph: Rules.

Me: What kind of rules?

Joseph: A lot of  rules. (sigh)

Chris: Do you remember back in 1999 when I asked you if I could go to a Korn concert?

Me: Yeah.

Chris: And I came home from school and you had this page of lyrics printed up and you said if I was man enough to read them to you to your face I was man enough to go to the concert?

Me: Yup

Chris: And so I didn’t go?

Me: Yeah.

Chris: Well, Korn was here  the other night…and I went to the concert.

Me: Uh-huh

Chris: And I didn’t have to read you the lyrics. So I won.

(Please, no “Well, I never” comments. It was a joking conversation.)

Me: (in the middle of some conversation with a religion subject) Oh, please – that coming from you whose faith rises and falls according to the outcome of football games.

Chris: What are you talking about, games? More like according to downs.

Me: (at the end of a conversation. David is graduated. This is not a school conversation, but about his leisure reading.) You know, David, if it bores you, just stop. The question of whether or not to finish reading Finnigan’s Wake is not a big moral issue.

(pause)

David: Hmmm. Are you sure?

Me: Now, you tell me if you have to use the potty, okay?

Michael the Toddler: (No comment)