The economic scene must be especially slow for The Wall Street Journal to take an interest in the dating habits of Orthodox Jewish Women, as it did this weekend. In an article entitled, Single Jewish Female Seeks Stress Relief, Tamar Snyder details the challenges faced by a particular group of young women seeking mates. And as the parent of three daughters being raised in the Orthodox community (none yet old enough to be directly hit by this), I am sensitive to the pain Ms. Snyder shares.
But I am also concerned that as presented, this story is yet another example of American victimology, and a particularly egregious one at that. Neither these women nor their families are powerless. Presenting themselves as if they were, typifies the larger culture of complaint and victimhood that permeates our society.
Traditional cultures belong to those who embrace them. Rather than complain about a problem, members of a community who have identified a problem, need to take the steps to provide the necessary fix. The idea that “this is how it has to be” is insane. There is no Jewish law that demands a matchmaking system which disempowers women, or rewards men for behaving badly.
So the real pain that I feel in reading this article is the anguish born of powerlessness that traditional people feel when they confront a problem in their own community – and it’s not limited to Jews. Any group that is inclined to follow rigorous rules of religious conduct, especially if they believe them to be ordained by God, needs to be vigilant about crossing the line from faithfulness to the system, to becoming enslaved by it.
Yes, that line will be in different places for different people at different times, and that diversity is good for all. But when members of a community would rather share their woes with the general media, than challenge themselves and their religious leaders to change what is not working, they have probably drifted into the latter. It’s not that I don’t see the article as a part of the corrective process, but it needs to be accompanied by the awareness that Jewish dating rituals are not carved in stone, and that we can do more than complain about them.
Also, why this is even a Wall Street Journal story is rather interesting. It’s either because men love reading articles which make them feel important about women desperate to have them, or because a press that is generally hostile to religion loves a story that takes us behind the curtain to explore the dark underbelly of traditional cultures. Either way (despite my appreciation of Ms. Snyder’s willingness to publicly wrestle with this issue), why the Journal even included this story should make us all wonder about what gets covered in the news, and why.