It’s well known by now that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. And it’s also well known that the divorce promises to be ugly, featuring the work of “pit bull” attorneys working for both sides. It’s a shame that with so much time, emotion, and money invested in Kabbalah, it seems to have failed Madonna in her time of greatest need.
I take no glee in reporting this seeming failure as I have many good things to say about the brand of spirituality which Madonna practices and the center with which she is affiliated. In fact, I have been strongly criticized for describing some of those good things right here on Windows and Doors. But this time, Kabbalah has failed Madonna.
The failure lies not in the mystical tradition’s inability to hold her marriage together. The failure lies in its inability to shape how the divorce will unfold. I appreciate that Madonna and her soon to be ex-husband tried to save their marriage and that they used Kabbalah to help. But the real test of a tradition is not that it delivers everything you expect when you expect it, like some cosmic vending machine. The real test of a tradition is how it helps you live more ethically, gently and lovingly when things are going wrong.
Kabbalah’s failure in this case is the seeming silence of its teachers to address the reality of a marriage gone bad, instead of promising that they can simply make everything right. Where is the wisdom that would help these two people, or any two people, leave each other with some of the same sacredness that they used to come together? Where is the teaching or practice that would help them to keep the “pit bulls” at bay?

The truth is that many traditions are paralyzed by divorce. They labor under the notion that for something to be sacred, it must be eternally perfect. But Jewish tradition has known that need not be the case for thousands of years. It accepts that the test of the sacred is not in its immutability, but of its ability to mutate in ways that are as good as possible for as many people as possible. And what’s true for the sacred, is true for relationships.
The Hebrew Bible includes a provision for divorce alongside the one for marriage. And Rabbinic tradition developed that law into a complete system whose goal was to help people end a relationship with as much sacredness as they created it. Rather than tell people that they have failed because their marriage has failed, the tradition challenges people to confront even this painful moment as successfully as possible and provides guidance that reminds them that they still have that power within them.
Contrary to what many followers of Kabbalah and other popular spiritualities believe, no system is capable of serving up the perfect life on a silver platter. And the more any teacher tells you that he or she can, the faster you should run away. But any rich tradition, including Kabbalah when practiced at its best, can create a sense of wholeness when all seems most broken. In fact, that is a cornerstone belief of the Jewish mystical tradition, one which I hope that this couple and all other divorcing couples can tap into, through whatever teachings work best for them.