Selah was bullied terribly in sixth grade by a group of girls who I can only imagine were learning the cut throat theatrics from the two people closest- father and mother knows best. I don’t care who disagrees, children learn by example. They are watching our every word and action. We, the grownups have to teach them straight away right from wrong. We must protect them. I am that person for my sister. Something changed in Selah during that long and tormenting sixth grade year. Unfortunately, I was already in middle school and couldn’t catch my sister when she fell. Still to this day, I feel like I failed her. I cannot fail her again. She won’t survive another bully in her life. So..If it is to be, it’s up to me. My sister has too much potential to let some loco dictate the outcome of her one and only precious life. God has a plan for Selah. A good plan. God, I need your help right now in this critical moment. Please tell me what to do. Do I stop the wedding? Is Joel abusing my sister? Just send me a sign. I’ll be looking. Oh, thank you and Amen. Oh and God the weddings in an hour but you know that.

I hike my bubble less champagne colored dress up above my knees, bend down and gather the broken petals and stems. I place them in a pile on the table where the pastor does optional pre-marital counseling. I guess they opted out. Selah’s bouquet looks sparse but with a little added ribbon, I think we can make it work just in case she doesn’t let me help her and goes through with marrying Joel Pellegrino. No relationship to Pellegrino Water. Too bad, so sad for Joel. He probably gets asked that question endlessly and has to say no as he watches the disappointment come over stranger’s faces. I don’t know much about Joel. My sister’s been dating him for about eighteen months. We live close to an hour from each other. I’m in the city of Sana Falls and she is at the beach, Sana Waves. I’ve been around Joel a total of nine times. Nine. Not a lot of time to get to know someone yet I wasn’t really looking close enough for the cracks. And now here at the church on their wedding day, some blips are appearing on my radar. Like when Joel told my sister she was too sensitive. Who’s too sensitive? How can you turn sensitivity into a negative and why would you call the woman you love too sensitive? I guess Joel wants his abuse to bounce off of her like a quarter to a hard surface. Selah’s tender. I wish I was more tender. Her goodness rubs off on me. When I’ve been in the presence of my sister, I want to be a better person. I just do. Selah is magnetic though she could work on establishing more secure boundaries. She always looks for the best in another human being. She listens to God- focus on what is lovely and pure. It’s her specialty. Quite frankly, I’m a little jealous but maybe God made me the way I am because he knew I would teach my sister clear boundaries and that is exactly what I’m about to do. Here goes!

 Selah

Why did I tell Sarah Joel hit me? Sarah will for sure stop my wedding. I can see it now, “if anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.” Sarah is going to do something highly dramatic, I can see it in her eyes. They’re wild with fury. Shit! When we were in elementary school, Sarah kicked this little boy in the shin when she saw him lift my dress up from behind as we walked to the fellowship hall for bible.” Hey pervert, next time it will be where it counts,” she threatened. I was six and she was eight. She’s going to chop Joel’s balls right off, figuratively speaking. He’ll come after me for sure. He will chase me to the ends of the earth. This will be highly personal for Joel. He is not a man who is going to be alright after his ego takes a hit. This is not remotely about me. If it was he would not have done the things he did and I’m afraid will continue to do. Joel Pellegrino answers to no one. Not even God. For a while, I believed I could love him into good decisions, into a soft heart. You know women always do. Why do we do that? We are not the Savior. It’s arrogance disguised as love. Great, my sister is now mumbling to herself. I know that mumble. She’s working something significant out in her head. Shit! A plan is transpiring. I guess in some way I knew this would happen if I told her. I’m not like Sarah. She’s brave. Heads turn when she walks into a room. Sarah is undeniably beautiful but it’s not her physical appearance, it’s her courage that rises up like a phoenix. She stands up for herself. Most of my life, I’ve been knocked around. I wish I was more like Sarah. Since our parents death, she has taken on even more of a maternal role. She’s about to shut this whole day down. God, I hope Joel doesn’t kill her.