Have you ever been in or are currently in a relationship where you were constantly questioning yourself?

Am I really critical?

We all make mistakes or no ones perfect, right?

I’m not going to find someone better ( for me).

I can’t have another failed relationship

He or she is just under a lot of pressure.

Am I just not attractive enough?

Can I trust Him?

We’ve only been dating a few years? Marriage will happen, I think?

Maybe I shouldn’t be hanging out with so and so, anyways

Why do I feel I am at my worst when I am with him or her?

When we begin relationships, most of us are not paying close enough attention to the persons’ character as maybe we should. We tell our friends, how charming he is, about his amazing smile or that he is the life of the party. We want what we what and ignore those gut instincts. We have waited so long for that special person and there is so much chemistry; we jump in with both feet and throw caution to the wind. We ignore the way he looks at other women. We ignore when he suggests we wear something “more appropriate”. We ignore that he is not as accessible as he used to be. We ignore how defensive he is when we ask questions that hold him accountable. We slowly start to lose our good sense and now family and friends are noticing a change, a slow deteriorating of our souls.

Character discernment is the ability to determine good character in people and one God says is vital for our personal and spiritual growth according to Dr. Henry Cloud/ Dr. John Townsend. “It is simply being able to tell the sheep from the goats in our life.”

We will evaluate schools, a new home, a new job, our stock portfolio but how often are we evaluating who is good for us and who is not? People who are good for us are those individuals who make us feel safe no matter how we feel as well as making us better just by being around them. You are the company you keep.

God designed us to love and need each other. As I have mentioned in other post, those are our number one and number two needs above all else. Safe people are individuals who assist in helping us become the people God intended us to be. Safe people are positive people with no agenda. They are not perfect but they are open and let God’s light into their lives as well as others. Safe people deeply empathize which is becoming more and more of a rarity in this world. They truly hurt when you hurt because they are honest, loyal, discreet, and want you to know that you matter. They stay present and help you bear good fruit.

We are always sowing seeds whether we know it or not. Have you ever evaluated the relationships in your life? Are you dealing with endless, hurtful, spiteful drama or are you in relationships where you come alive and feel safe? Are you picking the wrong people to trust? Are you comfortably uncomfortable? Why do we tend to go right back to the people who withhold, neglect, and damage us?

I used to get the comfort thing so wrong as I started to follow Christ. I used to think we were supposed to feel uncomfortable if we were following Christs’ will for our lives but that is a straight up lie from the enemy. God insists that we have great discernment in our relationships because those people are our support systems. If you are lacking in discernment, pray for God to equip you with wisdom and discernment. It is critical to your growth.

If you are unsure about who is safe and unsafe in your life, the Bible is your guide. It contains the answers to understanding…

1. God’s Love- Romans 8-37-39, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, John 3:16, 1 John 3;1, Romans 13:8, Galatians 5:13, 1 Peter 1:22

2. God’s Purpose- Philippians 4:19, Acts 2:1-47, Matthew 7:7, Psalm 34:17-20, Psalm 34:1-22

3. God’s Character( which should be our character)- Romans 5:3-5, Galatians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:12-15, 1 John 4:8, Proverbs 28:6

4. Our Worth- Ephesians 2:4-9, Jeremiah 29:11, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Matthew 12:10, Romans 5:8, Romans 8:28,

5. Understanding our own brokenness- Self awareness is necessary for our own growth. 1 Timothy 4:16, Romans 12:3, Galatians 6:3. 2 Corinthians 13:5, 1 Corinthians 13:12, Jeremiah 17:9, Matthew 11:28-30

Do you have blind spots to manipulative, disloyal, and controlling individuals? Remember, God sees and knows all so open your heart to Him because He searches for whats in our hearts. He longs to bring you into relationships that represent Him. He will also do a good work in you so you have discernment going forward. God said, “my people are far away” ( Isaiah 29:13). Get close to God and you will be able to see people for who they really are, including yourself.

The next book I want to recommend is Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend