Aww, communication; the key to everything but what happened to my key? I guess I lost it in all the anger, hurt, and disappointments. In the beginning of any relationship, we often feel one emotion and that is love or like depending on the relationship. We are elated that this new person is in our lives and we think “I was meant to meet this person and share my life with them.” Then overtime those feelings of love and like get replaced with “those” other emotions like bitterness and disgust. We are no longer motivated or encouraged to communicate. We simply want to hold on to all those “bad” things that person did to us, creating more negative feelings.

 

Remember the game.. telephone? perfect example of how much gets lost in translation.. How many of our lives are like a game of telephone?

 

Let me ask you this…. Does negativity or purposely trying to harm another benefit you at all? Even if you think you are justified by past actions, nothing good can come from staying in a negative place about another or even yourself. It really will cause you the most harm in the long run. Negativity is like a wild fire, once it starts, it is very difficult to get a handle on and put that fire out. Quick disclosure… some people are only meant to be in your life for a time and if you are experiencing something more sinister ( like on- going intentional hurt)then chances are you need to close that door and wish that person well. We are to seek wise counsel and true wisdom comes from God.

Once communication stops, then all Hell can break lose because we start piling on more and more stuff and next thing we know, hate replaces love. This being human stuff is hard but necessary for our growth and communication is an important part of how we grow together and not apart. I believe most of us have good hearts but hurt gets in the way and causes us to build those walls of self- protection.

When we are hurting, we want to lash out but somehow we have to find a way to communicate without condemnation. Once lines are crossed in any relationship, it makes it more difficult to salvage. I have been there with my words and absolutely nothing good comes from it. It is a lesson we all learn over and over again when emotions are high. The crazy thing is those closest to us can cause us the most pain whether intentional or unintentional and then we have to reevaluate that persons intentions. If communication is lost, then we never really know what is true and right.

Taking inventory is a painful but necessary thing to having real love and connections in your life. It’s ironic how we have such blinders on when it comes to ourselves but so quick to point the finger at another in the weak areas of their character. We know deep down inside if we are taking short cuts with our character. Character will always at some point be exposed.

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. 

Keys to Effective Communication

1. Identify what is really going on- Is trust an issue? Is unkindness an issue? Is security an Issue? What are the areas that are causing you to struggle to feel safe.

2. Listening- So many times when emotions are high, we want to railroad the other with our point of view or the whole right or wrong thing.  When we really listen, most times we can see the pain we have caused and this helps us become empathic of the other. If you lack empathy for others, then you need to get some help because empathy is a big part of helping us see the needs and wants of others and not just ourselves.

3. Asking What Can I do to make you feel…… Don’t give ultimatums when expressing your needs or wants. Be genuine.

4. Stand by what you discussed. Don’t turn into one of those people whose words and actions don’t line up in the least. We all fall short but the key is to admit it and try again.  Be honest and trustworthy going forward.

5. Recognizing your own areas of weakness. Pride is a weakness! Arrogance is a weakness. Lying is a weakness. Wanting your own way is a weakness. Attacking is a weakness. Eye rolling and shoulder shrugs are a weakness. Not being able to say you are sorry, is a weakness! Not listening and understanding is a weakness!

6. Don’t stop talking!!! Don’t stop listening!!!

Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to the body. If you are not communicating, you are assuming and you know what it means to assume?

The biggest problem and breakdown of communication is that we don’t listen to understand but listen to reply. How self-absorbed is that?

xo