“Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly.” – Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

Having your feelings get hurt is part of the mixed bag of dealing with other human beings. Unfortunately, people can be insensitive.  And sometimes people can be intentionally hurtful.

But unless you plan on being a hermit, getting your feelings hurt is an inevitable part of life. As a result, it is important to learn how to easily overcome hurt feelings.

One important thing you can do get past your hurt feelings is to discuss the situation with the person who hurt you. Now, of course, that is only possible in our most intimate relationships.  But if someone very close to you has hurt you, tell that person.

For instance, I will tell my husband or my daughter if they have hurt my feelings. Why?  Because those are my two most intimate relationships.  If I don’t clear the air with my husband and daughter, resentment can easily creep in.  Other people don’t affect me as much, so I am not concerned by their behavior.  Moreover, I can easily limit my time with people who are rude or unkind, if they aren’t in my inner circle.

When you are hurt, the best thing you can do is distract yourself from thinking about the hurtful comment or behavior by doing something that builds up your self-esteem. Typically, when our feelings get hurt, it is because someone has said or done something to undermine our confidence.  So, thinking about the situation and getting mad at the person who hurt you is a waste of time.  That doesn’t solve the fact that your confidence has taken a hit.

Your time is better spent repairing your confidence. So, if someone hurts your feelings, go do something that you are good at.  For instance, you might be good at carpentry or baking or gardening.  Whatever it is, do something that makes you feel good about yourself and your skills.

For example, if I need a quick confidence boost, I will organize something – a closet, the refrigerator, my office binders – anything really. I happen to be good at organizing, and after an hour of creating order from chaos, I feel competent.  I am reminded that I am good at something.  And I have gotten my mind off of whatever it is that has gotten under my skin.

The most important thing that we can do for ourselves and our relationships when we are hurt is to forgive quickly. Forgiveness means letting go of the offending behavior or comment – forever. I’ll admit that is really hard to do.

When trying to forgive someone, remember that their behavior has nothing to do with you. It only has to do with them.  So, let go of your frustration with the other person.  Take ownership of your own behavior, and let that person take ownership of theirs.

Have your feelings have been hurt recently? Have you allowed those hurt feelings to turn into resentment?  Remember that what others do or say has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.  So, don’t allow the behavior or comments of others undermine your confidence.  Instead, overcome being hurt by forgiving freely and easily, and regain your serenity.