If I could give only one piece of life advice, it would be this: Follow your own path. As a society, we have a cookie cutter view of what constitutes a successful life.  Society says that successful people make a lot of money.  They are happily married.  They have more than one child.  And they live in big houses and drive expensive cars.

This singular view of success is pervasive. Years ago, I used to have a Facebook account.  If there is a place which tries to fetishize the “happily married, two parents, three kids with a house in the suburbs” lifestyle, it is Facebook.  I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Those vacation photos and cute kid shots that people post have nothing to do with the reality of their lives.  It is a picture that people try to paint because they want to make all their “friends” think that they have achieved society’s standards of success.

The problem with this view of success is that it makes a lot of wonderful people feel that they aren’t successful because they don’t fit into this mold. And it leads to a lot of big life mistakes.  How many people get married even when they aren’t compatible because they feel pressured to “be married?”  How many people have children when they don’t have the skills to parent?  How many people buy houses and cars that they can’t afford in order to live like their peers?

I remember being in my 20s, and by all accounts, I was reasonably successful. I had a college degree and a law degree.  I had a decent job (nothing fancy) and my own apartment (again, nothing fancy).  I was physically fit, well-dressed and kind.  But I wasn’t married.  And I felt like a failure because my peers believed that being married was the true hallmark of success as a human being.  What utter nonsense.  I unfortunately bought into that nonsense.

So, instead of spending my 20s being proud of my accomplishments, and enjoying the freedom of being single and childless, I fretted over the one thing that I didn’t have – a marriage. What a waste.  Now that I am nearly 50, I can say that marriage is nice – when it is a good marriage.  A bad marriage is a nightmare.  Similarly, being a mother is nice, though it is a lot of work.  And having a comfortable home to live in and a good car to drive are nice.  But when you own a home and a nice car, you are under serious financial pressure to pay for those things.

Frankly, there are a lot of other things that are equally nice.  Having a satisfying career is wonderful.  Having great friends and good relationships with your family members is a blessing, indeed.  Similarly having the ability to travel and see different places, experience different cultures and eat different foods is an incredible luxury.  And being in a position to be able to serve your community is truly rewarding.

More importantly, God’s purpose for your life may not include two kids and a three-bedroom house. God’s purpose for your life may be for you to do something very different.  Maybe God wants to use your life in a more far-reaching way.

Just think about what our world would be like if Jane Goodall had chosen to get married, raise three kids and live in a flat in London, instead of going to Gombe National Park to study the chimpanzees? What if Mother Teresa had chosen to live in Italy and have a traditional married lifestyle, instead of going to India and founding the Sisters of Charity?  Both women chose to deviate from our society’s standards of success, yet God used their lives to achieve great things.  They both have been true blessings in this world.

Following your own path is hard. It means ignoring what your friends and family say is important, and listening to that still small voice.  It is the voice that may very well tell you, “Get married!  Have two kids!  You will be a wonderful spouse and parent.”  Or that voice may tell you, “There are poor, vulnerable children on the other side of the world.  They need you.”  Or that voice may tell you, “I know your job isn’t the highest paying, or the most prestigious, but I need to use you here to help others in ways that you cannot imagine.”

Don’t listen to society. Forget about the messages sent by television commercials, friends or family as to what constitutes the successful life.  Focus on figuring out what God wants you to do with the life He has given you.  He has a purpose for your life that only you can fulfill.  Follow your own path.

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