We, as a society, are losing the art of conversation. This is ironic, because we communicate now more than ever. We continually text in half sentences and emojis. We post photos of ourselves with shocking regularity on Facebook and Instagram. We post and tweet our opinions. We are obsessed with sharing our every thought and feeling.

But social media communication is a one-way street. We want everyone to look at us, know what we are thinking and comment on us. But none of that is real communication. It is more akin to when a child does something and yells, “Mommy, look at me!”

Real communication involves two people who are interested in learning about each other. To have good relationships with others, we need to engage in that kind of real communication. We need to meaningfully connect with others and show them that we care about them.

Real communication involves having an actual conversation with another person. And there is an art to that. Below are some tips to improve how you converse with others.

Be More Interested in Others Than in Yourself: Most people I know socially have no idea that I am a lawyer, nor do they know what I do for a living. I’m pretty sure that many people assume I am a housewife. Moreover, while the people that I am related to may know that I am a lawyer, outside of my husband and daughter, most have almost no idea what I do for a living. Why? No one has ever asked.

My teenage daughter reports the same kind of interactions with her schoolmates. She, as a matter of manners, asks the other kids about their classes and how their days are going. And they tell her about themselves with excruciating detail. But they know almost nothing about her. This is the same generation of kids who will text, post and tweet almost constantly.

There is a narcissism that pervades our society which I attribute to social media. We have become so used to only talking about ourselves when using Facebook, Instagram, etc. that we have lost our interest in other human beings.

Turn this trend around. Use your conversations with people as an opportunity to learn about them. Don’t limit your interactions with people to simply talk about yourself. Ask people questions about themselves. Make it your rule to always leave every conversation having learned something new about the other person.

Be Positive: On occasion, we need to vent about the things that are frustrating us in life. Sometimes it helps to talk to other people about that. But venting and complaining to others should be kept to a minimum. For the most part, it is important to keep our conversations positive.

Share with others what it happening in your life that is good. Compliment others on what they are doing well. Encourage others if they have goals that they are trying to achieve. Make sure that when the other person leaves the conversation, they feel energized – not drained.

So often, we have positive thoughts in our head, but those thoughts don’t make it out of our mouths. It takes work to not just think complimentary things, but to say them. For instance, yesterday, the lady who checked me out at the grocery store had a lovely haircut. Her hair was a nice shade of gray, and her haircut reminded me of the Dorothy Hamill cut from years ago. It was very lady-like. So, I told her, “You have a beautiful haircut.” I felt awkward saying it, but I hope that my compliment encouraged her in some small way.

Be Humble: I am shocked by the amount of bragging that people can do. I honestly have had people tell me during a conversation that they know more than me about certain subjects, or that they are in some other way superior to me. It is curious to me that this kind of behavior has somehow become socially acceptable.

Let me lay this matter to rest. Truly great people are humble. People who are actually smart, accomplished and talented don’t talk about it. They don’t feel the need to tell others about their IQ, their degrees or their bank accounts. They are confident in their own abilities.

Realize that no one wants to talk to someone who is trying to brandish their knowledge. I’m a writer, so I have a decent command of the English language. On occasion, I have conversations with people in which I hear them make grammatical mistakes. However, I don’t correct them. Why would I? It is rude.

The point of a conversation is not for me to try to be better than someone else. The point is to communicate, and to learn more about that person. If I correct that person, I am just inhibiting our making a deeper connection.

This week, take time to work on your conversation skills. Make sure that you are conversing with people to learn more about them, or to make a deeper emotional connection with them. Don’t simply use conversations as a vehicle to showcase yourself. If you do so, you’ll find that your personal relationships will improve immensely.

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