You cannot fix other people. I wish, as human beings, that we had those kinds of powers, but we don’t. I have family members and friends who are in dire need of “fixing,” and I can assure you that there is nothing that I can do about it.

I have tried all kinds of approaches to influence folks in the right direction. I have tried to use reason. I have pled with people. I have tried to set an example of what kind and decent behavior looks like. But in the end, most people are trapped in their own issues and flawed thinking.

For example, in our extended family, we have a young lady who has been given every opportunity. She was brought up with the benefits of good schools and private music and dance lessons. Her college education was paid for fully by her parents. And yet, she goes through life frustrated and angry because her parents weren’t perfect people. She, at times, can be extraordinarily cruel to others, and she has no motivation to do anything with her life professionally.

I can assure you that I have tried to use reason with her. I have tried to set an example for her of what proper behavior is, to no avail.   There is nothing that anyone can do for her. In her own mind, she is justified in how she treats others. And she sees nothing wrong with living a life in which she never reaches her full potential.

We all have people in our life like that. We all have people who we would like to just “fix,” but who simply aren’t interested in being fixed. If you try to help those folks, you are just slamming your head against a wall. It is pointless.

I have found that there is only one thing you can do for people who are struggling: Encourage them. It is just that simple. Point out when they do something well. Appreciate (out loud) their good qualities.

Most people struggle in life because they are insecure. They don’t believe in their own capabilities, so they don’t aspire to do great things with their lives. Worse yet, they don’t feel like they are smart or good looking or accomplished, so they insult others.

I frankly don’t blame people for being insecure. The encouragers in this world are few and far between. It is interesting that people will always cite “the teacher” or the “one adult” who inspired them in life. Shouldn’t every teacher be inspirational? Should every adult make every child feel great about themselves? Of course, they should.

However, if you ask an adult, “Who really helped you as a kid?”, they will always cite one person. The rest of the folks involved in their upbringing (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers) were all too busy telling the kid what he or she did wrong. Or they just couldn’t be bothered to say “good job.” Because evidently that is hard.

So, if you want to “fix” someone (and yes, certain folks need to be “fixed”), you need to fill their “encouragement bucket.” You need to stop telling the screw-ups in your life how they are messing up. Deep down, they know exactly how they are screwing up. Your telling them is not a news flash.

Instead, bless them with encouragement. Heal their insecurities by pointing out their gifts and talents. Tell them how proud you are of them every time they do something well.

Quite honestly, you cannot encourage others enough. There is no such thing as overdoing it. Of course, I don’t mean that you should tell your kids (or anyone else) that they are better than others. There are few qualities worse than arrogance. But we should always make note of the gifts that God has blessed each person with.

This week, consider the people in your life who you may be trying to “fix.” Think about whether you might just want to give up on fixing people, straightening them out, or improving them. Instead, give encouragement a try.

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