I once knew a man who was very unhappy. He was selfish. He had a wife and daughter, but he only spent the money he earned on himself and his various hobbies. He was cruel to his wife and was unfaithful to her. He was temperamental, and his family walked on eggshells around him. He simply was draining to be around.

He spent a great deal of time reading, trying to understand why he was so unhappy. He read Christian texts and became an expert in the Bible. When the teachings of Jesus offered him no solace, he turned to the teachings of the Buddha. Still, no solution.

What this man was searching for is what many people search for. They want to understand why they are so incredibly dissatisfied with life. And when they can’t find the answer, they start placing blame. They blame their spouse for not fulfilling their various needs. They blame family life for being too stifling. They blame their job for not being interesting enough.

The problem is that their blame is misplaced. This malaise that people experience is a product of their failure to understand the following: God has called us to do two things in life. First, God has called us to serve others. Second, God has called us to be kind. It is that simple. And if you aren’t doing those two things, then like the man I described above, you will be chronically unhappy.

It may seem counterintuitive to think that your happiness depends on your serving others. Rationally, one would think that you will be most happy when you are meeting your own needs. It makes no sense to think that spending your time and your money on others will make you happy.

But God created us to serve others. Yes, we need to take care of ourselves. However, self-care should not be your fulltime job. As human beings, we derive inexplicable satisfaction from doing good things for others. For example, it is incredibly rewarding to spend time raising your children, doting on them and coaching them to become mature, decent adults. Likewise, it feels good, after being cared for by your parents, to reciprocate by helping them when they are older.

We also are called to serve those outside our immediate families, including friends and strangers. For instance, at our church we have on-going canned food drives, and I enjoy bringing in cans. I have no idea who my cans are going to, but it just feels good to know that someone in need will get them. God has given us “Serving DNA.” If we ignore that innate drive to serve others, we naturally will feel dissatisfied with life.

God also created us to be kind. When we are unkind or cruel to others, we get a sick feeling in our stomachs. Now, some folks try to get rid of that sick feeling by justifying their actions to themselves. “I was cruel because I was tired.” “I was mean to my wife because she gets on my nerves.” “I was nasty to my sister because I am tired of her getting all the attention.” “I yelled at my kids because I had a bad day at work.” The list of justifications goes on and on.

You can make up excuses and justifications all day long for being unkind, but they will not take away the gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that you have done something wrong. God gives us that feeling for a reason. It is His way of telling us that we were made to be good to others. We were made to be kind, generous and encouraging. And if you violate this natural rule, you will feel badly about yourself. And you will be unhappy.

God wants us to be mentally strong people. Cruelty and unkind behavior are signs of mental weakness. They show that you have no control over yourself or how you act. Weak people act on impulse or according to the way they happen to be feeling that day. Strong people act according to their morals and convictions, regardless of the situation.

This week, consider the two tasks that God has set before you: To serve and to be kind. If you are feeling dissatisfied with your life, consider whether you are meeting those two fundamental tasks. If after taking an honest look at your life, you are not accomplishing those tasks, now may be the time for a change.

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