Have you ever gone to a wedding and thought, “I give this marriage 10 years – tops”? We all have. That is because some couples are obviously ill-suited. Even during the wedding ceremony, the handwriting is on the wall that their divorce is just a matter of time.
Why do we all, at times, make bad decisions? Why do we make life choices that everyone else (except us!) can see are just plain wrong? There are, of course, a myriad of reasons as to why we make decisions that are clearly wrong for us. But the good news is that we can learn to make better ones.
Below are some ways to approach decision-making so that you set yourself on the best life path possible.
Don’t Make Fear-Based Decisions: If you make a choice because you are afraid of something, it will most assuredly be the wrong one. For instance, so many people get married for fear-based reasons. They fear being alone. They fear the possibility of never having children. Or they fear that by remaining single, they will be failures by society’s standards.
The problem is that fear will lead you to marry the wrong person. You’ll marry the first person that comes along, rather than waiting for someone with whom you are compatible. And that never ends well.
When we make decisions, such as marriage decisions, out of fear, we stop looking at the situation rationally. We, instead, make decisions based on what will most quickly assuage our immediate fears. It is far better to be strategic when making decisions and be willing to take one’s time.
Don’t Take Advice from the Wrong People: Before you accept advice from anyone, you have to look at their motives. For instance, parents have a lot of life experience under their belts and often can be a great source of advice – sometimes. It depends on their motives. If your parent wants you to get married because their friends or family hold the institution in high regard, their advice on this matter is going to be flawed. However, if your parent only is interested in your happiness, their advice and perspective may be worthwhile.
The same holds true when choosing a career. Try to get advice from people who hold the same values as you. If you want to lead a creative lifestyle and simply make enough money to be financially comfortable, getting advice from someone who strives solely to be wealthy won’t be helpful.
So, you need to be careful from whom you get advice. Seek advice from the people in your life who just want your happiness, and who have no other agenda. Or, better yet, get your advice from strangers! There are a plethora of books and articles out there on every topic, from relationships to careers to basic self-help. Educate yourself by reading as much as possible about your issue, and then take your own advice.
Choose Your Role Models Wisely: Often we make our life decisions based on the influence of our role models. We want our lives to look like their lives! And that can be a very good thing. Choosing a solid role model is like having life map. Someone has gone before you and has shown you the way.
One of my most important role models was my high school music director. He was an old-fashioned sort of person who valued his family and serving his community over anything else. He had a traditional sense of right and wrong. And he had a high standard of behavior for himself and for others. They don’t make people like him anymore. His kind of clear morality was of a bygone era.
His influence in my life has been profound. What I’ve expected from both myself and from others has been shaped by my years of observing the high standards that he set for himself. I have based my values, to a large extent on his. And while I may have failed at times to meet his high standards, those are the standards that I have aspired to meet.
So, I know from life experience that choosing the right role model matters. When you pick a role model, don’t just pick someone because of their fame or success. Pick someone who holds themselves to a high standard in all things. Then when you make life decisions, you can ask yourself, “What would my role model do in this situation?”, and you’ll stay on the right track.
Making good decisions does not come naturally. It is something that we learn to do. Consider using the above approaches to get on the path to making the best decisions possible.
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