Most of our relationship problems occur because we pay too much attention to other people. We are unduly concerned with what others are saying or doing. And if they aren’t saying or doing exactly what we would like them to say or do, we get mad at them. We just can’t let people be. We want folks to do things our way.

That is why I believe that there is a lot to be said for learning to ignore other people. Now, I am not referring to giving people the silent treatment. The silent treatment is grossly immature behavior. It is the adult version of pouting and throwing yourself on the floor.

When I talk about ignoring other people, what I mean is that if someone does something that you think is stupid or rude, just ignore them. Don’t acknowledge the behavior. Just carry on with your day as if that person had not done that stupid thing.

When we get frustrated with others, that means we are giving them too much attention. For instance, let’s say your child talks back to you. Engaging with them is pointless. You can send them to their room, but continuing to converse with a back talking child is a waste of time. Better to end the conversation, and make clear that you will converse with your child when he or she is polite.

Interestingly, dog owners are supposed to do the same thing with their dogs. You are supposed to ignore your dog when he or she is acting agitated or wild. Instead, you are only supposed to reward your dog with attention or treats when he or she is in a calm and submissive state. I have an enormous dog, and I’ll tell you that he would be very hard to manage if I didn’t take that approach. But he tries his best to behave properly because he knows without a doubt that he will get zero attention from me unless he is being good.

Now, we can’t ignore all behaviors. Some behaviors are too destructive or extreme to ignore. Rather, I am referring to ignoring those little things that people do which can be incredibly frustrating. The dumb comments. The inconsiderate behaviors. If you want peaceful relationships and peace of mind, it is so much better to ignore that kind of nonsense.

Now you might say, “How! How can I ignore the fact that Bob never washes his dishes?” Or, “How can I ignore Mary, when she makes subtle digs at my weight all the time?” I know of only one way – stop paying attention to the irritating person and focus on yourself.

The next time someone does something that upsets you, turn your attention to yourself. Ask yourself, “What can I do in this moment to be good to myself?” Or, “Let me turn my attention to that goal that I am striving to achieve. What can I do in this moment to propel myself forward toward achieving it?” By getting your mind off the offensive behavior and toward something positive, you can immediately put your mind in a good direction.

Then, when that person has resumed behaving properly, you can give them your attention again. And you won’t be interacting with them with bitterness or resentment. You’ll be interacting with them from a peaceful state of mind.

The reality is this: We cannot avoid irritating behaviors. Other people are irritating. We ourselves are irritating to others. If we all pay too much attention to each other, we’ll drive ourselves crazy. And, in fact, some of us do drive ourselves crazy by being too concerned with what other people are doing, thinking, saying and believing.

Why sit around feeling irritated by others, when your time and energy would be better spent reading a good book? Learning a foreign language? Arranging a bouquet of flowers? Baking a batch of cookies? Cleaning out a closet? You get my point. There are a thousand and one better things to do than to give too much mental energy to the stupid behavior of others.

Life is short, and I hate to think about the amount of time that I have wasted being irritated and frustrated by the behaviors of others. But over the years, I have learned that by ignoring others’ bad behaviors, I can keep my peace of mind.

This week, instead of feeling frustrated by the rude or insensitive behaviors of others, just ignore them. Don’t waste another second giving the bad behavior of others your attention. Ignore the bad behavior and refocus your attention on yourself. Make yourself and your peace of mind your top priority.

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)