“With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, who could not be happy?” ― Oscar Wilde

I would add “friends” and “music” to Oscar Wilde’s quote above. But his point is well-taken. There are certain things that we need to be happy. And they probably aren’t the things that we are pursuing.

There is a formula for happiness that Wilde so insightfully grasps. Happiness doesn’t come from what they are selling in commercials or on HGTV or the Food Network. The right lipstick or a remodeled home may give you momentary pleasure, but those kinds of things aren’t the source of true happiness.

For instance, a couple of years ago, when my husband and I got married, I bought a beautiful set of dishes. They have a colorful, Spanish-style design, and when I got them, I was quite pleased. I still have the plates, and I enjoy using them. But do they make me happy? No.

Happiness is more elusive than we think. If we could buy happiness, there wouldn’t be so many depressed rich people out there. In fact, studies have shown that once your basic needs are met (food, clothing and shelter), extra money doesn’t perceptibly increase your happiness. Well, then what does?

Below is my formula for happiness based on the apt observation of Oscar Wilde. Consider how applying this formula to your life might increase your own happiness.

Happiness Requires Freedom: You cannot be truly happy if you aren’t free. Freedom is the ability enjoy life without the interference of others. I shudder to think how many people in this world don’t enjoy true freedom. For example, how many women and children in third world countries have no control over their lives? Even in Western society, how many people are effectively imprisoned by being in dysfunctional relationships?

You cannot be happy if you are not free. Then you are living with a weight. The weight of being under another person’s control. The weight of being subject to another person’s whims, desires and moods. It is impossible to truly enjoy life under those circumstances.

Many people take freedom for granted, but it is only when you have been denied it, that you understand its importance. Without freedom, there is no happiness.

Happiness Requires A Good Book: Our brains crave challenge. We all want to learn. Some of us may not want to learn in the traditional academic format, but we all want to expand our minds. If our brains aren’t at work and learning new things, we get depressed. We feel an inexplicable sense of ennui.

The beauty of books is that they allow us to take charge of our learning. For instance, we can learn about someone else’s experience by reading fiction. I may not know what it was like to be a young, black girl in the Midwest in the 1940s, but I can read “The Bluest Eye” by Toni Morrison and be transported into that world. I may not know a lot about the psychology of decision-making, but I can read Malcolm Gladwell’s “Blink” and expose myself to the latest research in that area.

There is a richness that books add to our lives. When I read a good book, I get to pick a topic and delve further into it. And my brain thanks me!

The greatest tragedy, to me, is when people haven’t been taught how to read, or when they don’t have access to books. Then their life is limited to only what they personally can experience. Books give us the chance to experience and learn about things that are beyond our limited lives.  And that added experience makes life interesting – and happy.

Happiness Requires Time in Nature: We were created to spend some time each day outdoors. We are meant to smell fresh air, see plants and animals, and simply be in God’s creation. Time in nature is rejuvenating in a way that a day spent at the mall is not.

I spend time each day walking my dog. I do it in all kinds of weather. I am like the mailman – neither rain, nor sleet nor hail prevents me from walking my dog. Sometimes I really don’t feel like taking him for a walk, especially in bad weather. But nothing clears my head like going for a walk outside in the middle of the day. If my brain feels muddled, and I can’t figure out a work issue, I invariably will have a solution by the end of my walk.   If I am feeling tired and am having a mid-morning slump, a walk will re-energize me. Simply being in nature has that incredible effect.

We are happier when we spend some time each day outdoors. That quiet time in nature can give us clarity of thought. It can calm our nerves. It can make us feel centered in a way that even a great yoga class cannot.

Happiness Requires Being in A Community: Admittedly, human relationships are never perfect. Other people, on occasion, can cause us stress and aggravation. Nevertheless, in order to be happy, we need to be in relationship with other people.

I don’t need to have a ton of friends. In fact, I can be quite introverted. But I do enjoy being part of a community. For me, my community is my church. I enjoy seeing the same familiar faces each Sunday. I love being part of a group of people who are all working toward a common goal – to serve our community and worship God together.

I never think of going to church on Sunday morning as a chore. Rather, the worship service and the church community give me a sense of belonging. I am sad if I miss a Sunday at church.

Being in positive relationships with others is essential to our happiness. Even if our relationships can sometimes be less than perfect, our friends and social community makes our lives richer and more complete.

Happiness Requires Music: As human beings, we crave listening to music and expressing ourselves musically. A song can change your mood from sad to happy, or from anxious to peaceful. Music has that kind of power.

Because my mother was a church musician, I’ve spent my life surrounded by music. Moreover, I studied flute and voice as a young person, and I always have enjoyed either performing or listening to music. It is part of the fabric of my life.

Have you ever watched a clip from a movie in which they have eliminated the music? It is fascinating. With just the actors and the scenery, the clip has no energy. If you then watch the same clip with the music added back in, it is completely different. It suddenly comes alive. We may not pay attention to music in films because it is part of the background. Nevertheless, music is what makes the movie.

The same holds true with life. Music gives our lives a beauty and emotional content it would not otherwise have. Music has brought a happiness to my life that I cannot imagine being without.

The formula for happiness is not about the things that we can buy. Happiness is more elusive than that. It requires the freedom to be truly oneself. It requires time and ability to learn, to experience nature, to have positive relationships and to listen to beautiful music. In short, happiness is not about having things but having a lifestyle that is meaningful.

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com

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