Forgiveness is hard. That is probably why Jesus spent so much talking about this concept. It is hard to forgive others when they have hurt us. But I believe that our bigger challenge is learning how to forgive ourselves.

I personally struggle with forgiving myself. There are mistakes that I made even 35 years ago that I wish I could undo. In fact, I believe that learning to forgive oneself is one of the most difficult challenges that we face.

Today, if you are being too tough on yourself, you need to give yourself a break. You need to learn to forgive yourself.  Learn from your mistakes and move on. Below are some ways to do just that.

Realize That Everyone Makes Mistakes: In our social media world, it appears that everyone we know is perfect. People post pictures of themselves and try to present the illusion that their lives are issue-free. But nothing could be further from the truth.

For example, I know one gal who regularly posts pictures on Facebook of her husband and children. She gushes about how her husband is the perfect dad. But the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is that her husband is financially irresponsible and would rather play video games than spend time with his kids. But you would never know that from the flurry of beautiful family photos that she posts.

Realize that, notwithstanding people’s public faces, we are all highly flawed. We all have made mistakes. In fact, no one goes through life without making some really big mistakes. Our mistakes may not hit the newspapers. In fact, no one may know about them except God.

So, know that making mistakes and doing the wrong thing on occasion is an inevitable part of the human experience. You can’t avoid it. Try your best, but realize that you will make mistakes and some of them will be doozies. That is OK. That just makes you human.

Your Mistake Isn’t Important, Only Your Repentance: To repent is to “feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one’s wrongdoing or sin.” The most important thing that you can do if you’ve made a big mistake is to repent. You don’t have to beat yourself up when you do something wrong, but you should feel regret. That shows that you have a healthy ethical foundation.

I know lots of people who hurt others and feel zero regret. Instead, they justify their behavior to themselves. For instance, too many times I have heard people say that they cheated on their spouse because they were “bored” in their marriage, or they were “unhappy.” When we try to explain away our bad behavior, we block ourselves from the very important process of repentance.

When we do something wrong, we should regret it. We shouldn’t pretend that our wrongdoing was excusable. It wasn’t.

When we repent, we admit that we aren’t perfect people. We are human, and we’ve made a mistake. As part of the repentance process, we should try, if possible, to make it up to the person that we’ve wronged. And we should feel regret. Our regret is what hopefully will prevent us from making the same mistake in the future.

Once You’ve Repented, Let It Go: Too many people feel regret, but then don’t take the next step of letting the sin go. It doesn’t help anyone to hold onto your mistakes.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with atoning for your mistakes. There is value in trying to do a good deed to compensate for your bad one. And, of course, we should learn from our mistakes. We should strive to not repeat them!

But when we don’t let go of our mistakes, we end up defining ourselves by them. And that is wrong thinking. We are not our occasional mistakes.

So, just because you cheated on your wife once, that doesn’t make you a “cheater.” Just because you yelled at your child unfairly on one occasion, that doesn’t make you a bad parent. And just because you had one minor collision in a parking lot, that doesn’t make you a “bad driver.” You are just a person who made a mistake, like everyone else.

And that really is the most damaging thing that happens to us when we don’t let go of our mistakes. We allow them to define us. Don’t define yourself by your past mistakes. That isn’t who you are.

Consider Jesus’s disciple, Peter. Before Jesus died, Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. His behavior was understandable under the circumstances. At the time, he was very scared. However, I am sure that afterward he was filled with regret. But he didn’t allow his regret to stop him from spreading Jesus’ teachings, which ultimately had a profound impact on the world.

What would our world look like today if Peter had defined himself as a coward because of his actions on one night? He likely would have decided to go back to his old life after Jesus’ death. He certainly would not have had the courage to travel and spread the Good News.

If you are struggling with a mistake you made in the past, I implore you to forgive yourself. Let it go. Learn from your mistakes, and strive not to make them again. If you hold on to your mistakes, then you will hold yourself back from the incredible life that you are meant to live. Forgive yourself and follow the amazing plan that God has for you.

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Books: “The Secrets to Success for the Working Mother” by Meerabelle Dey (https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Success-Working-Mother/dp/1546329544 )