The ironic thing about life is that the things that we love the most are also the things that can keep us from fully loving other people. Whether it be religion or patriotism or family, the things that we cherish most tend to divide us. They can lead us to dislike other people for no other reason than that they don’t share our beliefs, our skin color, our citizenship or our DNA.

In the Gospel of Matthew 5:30, Jesus says that if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off. That is a metaphor for all the things in life that keep us from loving others. If something causes you to be unkind or judgmental of others, cut it off. End it.

I would argue that applies to our religion, our national fervor and any other belief that keeps you from being good to other people. Frankly, if your religious beliefs lead you to think that you are better than those who don’t share your beliefs, then get rid of your religion. It isn’t helping you. It is causing you to sin.

The Pack Mentality

The challenge is that as human beings, we like to have “teams.” My friend refers to it as the “pack mentality.” That is because human beings, to a certain extent, are like dogs. We like to be part of a pack or defined group. And we enjoy an Us vs. Them dynamic. In some instances, that can be innocuous. For instance, people can watch a sports game and root for a particular team without a bad effect.

However, our pack mentality can get us into trouble. If you have ever gotten married and had to deal with your spouse’s family, you know this is true. Marriage causes otherwise normal people to have an insider vs. outsider mentality. In some families, folks circle the wagons when one of their family members gets married. It is as if they are in the Wild West and under attack by the Indians (here, the new spouse).

For example, a friend of mine recently got married to an older gentleman with adult children. She could not have been nicer to his kids. But instead of welcoming her, they formed an impenetrable unit. They made sure that she knew that she and her children would not be included in their group. They circled their wagons, so to speak. Their response was irrational, but that’s how the pack mentality works.

Christian Beliefs that Divide

I sometimes feel this pack mentality when I go to church, and it makes me uncomfortable. I love going to church every Sunday. It is the best part of my week. But when the pastor or the lyrics of the hymn talk about faith in Jesus being the only way to have a relationship with God, I start squirming in my seat.

When Jesus says in the Gospel of John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” I am unnerved. With all due respect to Jesus, I don’t think that is a helpful statement. That statement is true for me. But it isn’t true for my Muslim neighbors up the street, nor would I expect it to be.

And if I didn’t have my brain on straight, I could use John 14:6 to conclude that because I follow the teachings of Jesus, I am better, purer and more pleasing to God than my neighbors. And that would be silly because my neighbors are really nice people, and I am confident that God loves us equally.

We, as human beings, gravitate toward being in packs and defined groups because it gives us a sense of belonging. And that is good. We all need to feel like we belong. But the dark side of the pack mentality is that it divides us.

The pack mentality is what leads us to war, terrorism, racism, sexism, and every kind of discrimination that you can think of. As soon as we place ourselves in a group and decide that our group is better than everyone else, we are on the path to meanness, cruelty and violence.

Moving Beyond the Pack Mentality

So, we have to be careful of the things that we cherish. For instance, I cherish being an American. I love our country, and I am fascinated by its history. But my nationalism doesn’t stop me from worrying about the children in India who don’t have enough food. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to help a woman in Mexico who sells pottery for a living. It doesn’t stop me from praying for the sex workers in Thailand who needlessly suffer.

My nationalism leads me to feel lucky to live in a country with such great prosperity and such natural beauty. But it doesn’t lead me to hold an Us vs. Them mentality. I am an American, and I still believe that I have a moral responsibility to work for the good all of humanity – not just for the folks on my patch of earth.

This week, take a hard look at your life and consider whether the things that you hold dear are keeping you from being good to other people. Do your beliefs cause you to judge others who don’t agree with you? Does your membership in a group lead you to exclude people? It is only when we look at our beliefs with a critical eye that we can learn to love others as God has asked us to.  (To read more about loving others without judgment, click here.)

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com

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