Studies show that once our basis needs are met – food, clothing and shelter – our happiness is not based on how much money we have. Rather, it is based on other aspects of our lives, including the quality of our relationships.

Our human relationships can make our lives beautiful, or they can cause us incredible stress. We have a great deal of power over each other in that respect.

So, if we want to be happier, it is important to work at having better relationships with other people. Below are some things that you can do to improve your relationships, and ultimately improve your life.

Have Realistic Expectations of Others: Many relationship problems are due to our having unrealistic expectations of others. For example, the more I deal with people ages 35 and under, the more I realize that they are limited in their ability to consider the needs of other people. That is because they are still maturing. The growing up process naturally is overwhelming to them, and they need to focus solely on themselves.

You have to get some years under your belt to get beyond the “me-myself-and-I” way of seeing the world. Moreover, it takes some life experience to be able to handle the needs of others, in addition to your own needs. So, I keep my expectations of people in that age group very low. I appreciate what they can do, and I don’t pay much attention when they behave in either an immature or self-centered manner.

When you can accurately assess what others are capable of, then you can hold them properly accountable. Having unrealistic expectations of friends and family members, makes you feel badly because you take it personally when they don’t do what they are supposed to do. And it makes them feel badly because they can’t meet your expectations. Then unnecessary resentments build up on both sides. Better to keep your expectations realistic.

Be Positive: It is important to focus on the good qualities of others – not their bad ones. None of us is perfect. I am incredibly imperfect. And if my husband only focused on bad habits of being impatient or worrying, we would have a terrible marriage. But instead he focuses on my good qualities. And he makes little jokes about my bad ones to keep things light. His positive attitude makes our marriage work because he makes me feel like he actually likes me!

It isn’t our job to change people. That is God’s job. It is our job to encourage others. That means being positive and looking for the best in other people. That means pointing out when they have done something well. And it means, as much as is reasonable, turning a blind eye to when other folks make mistakes.

The world, unfortunately, can be a very negative and competitive place. I have found that most people are loathe to pay a compliment. But you can be different. You can be a cheerleader for others. If you do so, you will find that your relationships will change dramatically for the better.

Be Helpful: There are two types of people in this world. People who give, and people who take. Be a giver.

I’ll give you an example. One night, many years ago, I hosted a dinner party. There were a lot of people there, and at the end of the night, I had stacks of dishes to clean. I didn’t expect anyone to help me, so I started doing them on my own. But out of the blue, one of the gentlemen came into the kitchen and helped me wash and put away all those dishes. I was so impressed by him. He was a giver.

You cannot have good relationships with others if you are content to sit and watch television or read a book while they fold laundry or do dishes. That makes you a taker. If you are a taker, people may tolerate you, but they won’t really like you.

When you help others, you make them feel cared for. You show them that you don’t want them to be tired or overwhelmed. I have a sister-in-law who is a role model for being helpful. If she walks into any room, she figures out what needs to be done, and she does it. And she helps with a smile on her face. She is an amazing person. She always makes you feel like you are important to her.

Listen to What Others Need from You: It took me a long time to learn this lesson. For many years, I always gave others what I thought that they needed. But I didn’t listen to what they said that they needed from me. Then one day my daughter said to me, “I didn’t need you to tidy up my room. I can do that. I needed you to help me with my essay, because I couldn’t do that by myself.” She was right.

Now, of course, sometimes people ask things of us that we can’t provide. People sometimes can make silly requests of us. So, if you want me to change my personality for you, that simply isn’t happening. If you want me to do something that I think is illogical or unsafe, I’m not doing that either. And if you want me to support your desire to do something counterproductive or ridiculous, forget it. I will admit that people can sometimes be a little stupid in their requests.

But, for the most part, if someone makes a reasonable request of you, make sure that you are listening. Try to meet their needs, as they request them. Don’t superimpose your own judgment and do what you want to do for them. Help them in the way that they ask.

This week, consider implementing some of the above ideas when you approach your own relationships. Our relationships are very important to our emotional well-being. When our relationships are working, we feel on top of the world. But when they aren’t, we can feel awful. As a result, try to do everything in your power to make your relationships be the best that they can possibly be.

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