The 6 Funniest Celebrity Quotes of All Time

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Celebrities can be seriously weird people. With no one to tell them “no,” their filters are off, their opinions are loud, and their thoughts are, shall we say, a little bit different than average.

Many times, this is why they’re such great artists—after all, you have to be at least a little different to dazzle audiences and be strikingly creative. But every now and then, a celebrity utterance reaches such heights of weirdness and humor that we just can’t help but laugh uproariously.

Celebrity statements like Jessica Simpson’s “Is this chicken or is this fish,” when learning that tuna is considered “the chicken of the sea,” are fantastic, but even among lines like this, there are a few legendary gems which have withstood the test of time, and that can still make us laugh and scratch our heads to this day.

Figures like Nick Cage and Charlie Sheen dominate the so-bad-it’s-good celebrity quote landscape, but they’re far from alone—they are more than matched by the likes of Jaden Smith, Kanye West, and even Al Gore. If you’re lacking in laughs today, why not come along with us as we take a look at the 6 funniest celebrity quotes in recent history.

Nicholas Cage

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If there were a king of weird celebrity quotes, it might just be Nicholas Cage, and the biggest jewel in his crazy crown is this statement, made during an interview while talking about his career trajectory.

“I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.”

You can’t get much better than that.

The funniest part about this is that Cage’s career is actually like this. His frenzied, manic, larger-than-life performances convey his willingness to simply go nuts as an actor, and act in even nuttier movies. His bizarre performances in films like Wicker Man and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, and Face/Off solidly cemented his status as the weirdest actor alive.

As a side note, Cage once won an Academy Award and was asked to play leading roles in not only The Lord of the Rings, but The Matrix, as well, so for all his weirdness, his talent is recognized, and even his worst movies are still, by virtue of his elastic face, marvelously entertaining.

There’s just no matching Cage, but as we’re about to see, there are a few others who come dangerously close.

Al Gore

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There’s usually a pretty clear line between celebrities and politicians, but Al Gore poked holes through that barrier when he wrote and starred in his 2006 environmental documentary, An Inconvenient Truth.

But much of his enduring fame comes from his more humorous moments during the 2000 presidential election, where his endless sighing, talk of lock boxes, and flubbed one-liners cemented him into pop culture memory.

Oh, and he also claimed to have created the internet. But that’s not what people remember him for.

No—what people remember is one line Gore said unintentionally, while blasting George Bush’s environmental record on the Senate floor. Of Bush’s claims to suddenly care about the environment, Gore stated this, his face as serious as could be.

“A zebra does not change its spots.”

This is one of those phrases that slowly sneaks up on you, first eliciting a chuckle, then a laugh, and then a guffaw. Knowing poor Gore, his reaction to the flub was probably just a quiet sigh.

Kanye West

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Oh, Kanye. Few artists have made more claims of grandeur than this man, and his millions of devoted fans would seem to back this up.

But of all the crazy things this musician has said, one stands out far, far above the rest. West was slated to perform on Saturday Night Live, but became upset when staffers made a necessary change to the flooring of their performance stage.

Here’s the best of Kanye’s rant, wherein he claims to be “50 percent” greater than several legendary figures.

“Are they [obscenity] crazy? Whoa by 50 percent, Stanley Kubrick, Picasso, Apostle Paul, [obscenity] Picasso and Escobar. By 50 percent more influential than any other human being. Don’t [obscenity] with me. Don’t [obscenity] with me. Don’t [obscenity] with me. By 50 percent dead or alive, by 50 percent for the next 1,000 years. Stanley Kubrick. Ye.”

SNL boss Lorne Michaels had to work to calm Kanye down, and the rapper eventually decided to stay and perform.

At first, this tirade is a little shocking, but when you realize that West just claimed to be exactly 50 percent greater than none other than the Biblical Apostle Paul, you probably can’t help laughing. This is one rant that will definitely go down in the history books.

Jaden Smith

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Actor and rapper, Jaden Smith, is an absolute enigma. His public statements, actions, and especially his tweets, are uniformly bizarre, reflecting a decidedly strange mind. Even his father, the legendary Will Smith, admits that his lenient parenting style toward Jaden “may have been a mistake.”

Jaden’s Twitter stream is where much of his verbal weirdness flows. From proclaiming that the world would be better off without education to claiming that trees are actually blue, his mysterious rants come hard and fast nearly every week.

But there’s one statement that the internet caught hold of and continues to laugh at to this day.

“How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real?”

This philosophical bomb exploded the minds of multitudes of Twitter users, garnering over 31,000 likes and 42,000 retweets, causing people all over the world to ponder its meaning.

Ultimately, they came up with one answer: Jaden is weird.

Brook Shields

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The very funniest celebrity quotes are often ones that weren’t intended to be funny—the raw authenticity of these flubs are better than anything a stand-up comedian can come up with.

Poor Brook Shields, in an interview to become spokesperson for the federal anti-smoking campaign at the tender age of 16, made one of these legendary flubs—one that settled firmly into pop culture memory.

"Smoking can kill you. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Yep. If you’re dead, you’ve lost a pretty important part of your life—there’s no denying that.

The best part about all of this, though, is that this quote became mixed into Shields’ anti-smoking campaign popping up all over the internet in the form of funny motivational posters.

While none of us would likely want to be reminded of things we said as a teenager, we’re very glad this one still haunts us.

Charlie Sheen

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If Nicholas Cage is the king of weird, then Charlie Sheen must surely be its crown prince.

Something happened to Charlie Sheen, and no one is quite sure what it is—he went from the star of one of TV’s best comedies to a man who routinely goes on insane rants about having tiger blood and smoking more crack than anyone else in the world. Maybe it’s the drugs that have changed him. Maybe it’s a chemical imbalance. Maybe he’s actually an alien. None of these possibilities, however, can quite explain the phenomenon that is Sheen.

The man who once said that “I have the 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old” has had no shortage of quotable lines, but one, in particular stands out, and will go down in history as one of his funniest.

"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

Keep in mind that Sheen delivered this with complete, manic, sweaty sincerity during a serious interview.

Who knows—maybe everyone on this list has, at one time or another, been on Charlie Sheen—it sure would explain a lot.