6 Signs You Are Attending the Wrong Church

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Once, Christians spent their entire lives as part of a particular church. They attended it as children, grew up in the congregation, married at the same alter they had seen every Sunday for decades and raised their own children in the same church. Multiple generations of a single family could be found in the pews. That, however, is not how things are today. Many Christians attend a number of churches in their lifetime. This is in part because people change cities, states and even countries far more often than they used to in the name of education or career opportunities. Part of the reason, however, is also due to Christians being far more willing to leave a church due to differences with a pastor, difficulties within the congregation or even a simple dislike of the music. There are both advantages and problems that come with this sort of approach, and there is good reason to be irritated by the ease with which some Christians leave a church. That does not mean, however, that there are not good reasons to leave a church. Here are six signs you are attending the wrong church and should start looking for a new one.

You dread going.

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Church is not supposed to be a chore. You should enjoy going for the most part. Yes, there will be days when it can be difficult to drag yourself out of the house on Sunday morning. The weather may be terrible, and all you want to do is curl back up in bed. Your cousin got married on Saturday, and the reception ran until well past midnight. This will be the first time you are trapped in a small space with your ex-girlfriend, and the breakup was a train wreck. Hating the idea of going to church, though, should not have anything to do with the worship or the church itself. Church should be a way to connect with God. It should leave you feeling closer to Christ and, hopefully, with something good to think about or practice in your life. If you consistently feel like you are heading to an appointment with Madam Guillotine on Sundays, you might need to change churches. Forcing yourself to try and tough it out could end up damaging your interest in church or worship as a whole.

No one at your stage of life.

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Everyone has seen a church that is filled to the brim with white haired, elderly people dressed in their old fashioned Sunday best with two extremely uncomfortable dreadlocked teens who are trapped too far from the door to leave quietly. You may also have been the unfortunate soul who went to a new church in a nice dress with a well-worn Bible only to find there were no pews and everyone in the church was under the age of 30 and wearing as little clothing as possible. You might have attended a Bible study where you were the only single person, and everyone else had at least two kids.

Attending a church that is a little outside your comfort zone can actually be a great way to explore your faith and see how other people worship. You might find that you connect with Christ better through the new way than how you always did it. You could also simply feel wildly out of place and awkward. Cross generational friendships are wonderfully valuable, but it can be hard to really find fellowship when there is no one at your stage of life to whom you can relate.

No volunteering options.

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No church needs to have a list of volunteer opportunities that is larger than its congregation, but a Christian church should have opportunities for its members to give back to their community. A small church might only have a few official volunteering options, or it might not have an official volunteer group at all. That is fine, even at a large church, so long as the congregation knows who to talk to if they want to give back to their community. There is nothing wrong with an unofficial volunteering program if everyone knows who to discuss volunteering with, and the opportunities are made clear to everyone. The most important thing is to make sure that a church has ways of giving back to the community. It does not matter if the church does that by partnering with another organization, having an official volunteer committee or through a group of self-organized members as long as all members of the congregation are made aware of the opportunities and can seek them out. If there is no attempt to give back to the community, however, it is probably best to find a church that is more involved.

Returning to middle school.

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You already went through middle school once. There is less than no reason to relive those days through your church. Sadly, not everyone grows up, and plenty of those who remain immature still attend church. Rather than becoming better people through their attendance, they make the rest of the congregation miserable. They turn what should be a place of fellowship and comradery into something that resembles a middle school cafeteria. The church is unwelcoming to visitors, and there are clear cliques within the congregation. Those involved in music ministry are one group. The Sunday school teachers and helpers are another. There may be overlap between the groups, but there are clear lines drawn throughout the church. You are either part of a group or not. Us or them. To make matters worse, many of these cliques are difficult to join, even if you wanted to do so. If your church has started to look like this, it is time to go. You already went through middle school once. There is no reason to relive it.

Shaming people.

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There is nothing wrong with a church encouraging proper behavior from its congregation. Frankly, that is part of what it should do. A church that turns a blind eye to every fault of its members or ignores all bad behavior in the congregation is likely not going to last very long. That said, forgiveness and mercy are central to Christianity. Shaming people embodies neither, and it does nothing to help a person correct their behavior. It simply encourages them to hide it better.

Churches that openly call out individuals during services are not places that you or your family want to be attending. That sort of self-righteous, punishing behavior is not something that Christians are meant to take part in. Christ repeatedly spoke out against those who acted that way in His time. To make matters worse, many churches that take part in shaming behavior humiliate members over small things. They ridicule a teenager for missing church one Sunday due to an away basketball game, or tell parents that they are raising their child wrong for allowing their child to date someone of a different denomination. Do not think for a second you will not end up being the one called out one day. It is better to leave while you can.

Waste of time.

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There are plenty of people who argue against choosing a church because of what they can do for you. In many cases, those people have good reasons to push back against that sort of church consumerism. That said, worship services and church attendance have a purpose. When they no longer serve that purpose, a member is not being fickle by changing to a church that can fulfill its purpose.

The primary purpose of church attendance is to help you grow your relationship with God and your fellow Christians. When a church is no longer doing that, you may need to change churches in order to continue growing spiritually. If your pastor gives one of the same four sermons every time he speaks or the church focuses solely on either feel good moments or fire and brimstone speeches, it is time to start looking for a new church to call home.