Have you ever loaned some money to a friend with a promise of repayment, but the debt was never paid? Or maybe you sold an item but didn’t receive the money you were due? As a matter of justice, we want accounts to be kept, and we want others to pay what they owe. Must you forgive? And how could you possibly restore the relationship? What if the other person isn’t sorry? You might have wept and wrestled with these questions as you sought to be like Jesus, but in the process, you’ve learned more about what forgiveness is and what it’s not.
The first broken relationship.
Before Adam and Eve became sinners, they enjoyed perfect fellowship with God. They talked and walked with Him in a transparent relationship. God showed Himself to them, and they didn’t hide anything from Him. In Genesis 2:25, the Bible says Adam and Eve were both naked, but they felt no shame. When Adam and Eve sinned, their smooth connection with God was torn. Fear held them because they owed God a debt for their transgression, but they didn’t have a way to pay. Just as monetary debts don’t disappear when someone physically dies, the spiritual death of Adam and Eve didn’t cancel their obligation to God. The debt of sin passed down through generations and still haunts people today.
In His mercy, God gave a temporary solution to the mounting debt of His people. He accepted animal sacrifices to cover their sins. Later, God sent Jesus, His Son, to accept the penalty so people would no longer need to offer animals. His death on the cross paid off the crushing balance of sin for all people. If you’ve trusted Jesus for salvation, then your debt of sin is paid in full. We should never forget the sacrifice of His Son, which cost God dearly. He and Jesus had always enjoyed unity since before time began. Along with the Holy Spirit, they are one. If you’re a parent of a child who’s been hurt, you can understand a small taste of God’s anguish as He watched troubled people torture and kill His innocent Child.
While Jesus was on earth, He taught us to pray to God about our sins. In Luke 11:4, He told us to say, “Forgive us for our sins, as we forgive ourselves, also forgive everyone indebted to us. Don’t lead us into temptation.” He showed us a pattern to follow regarding sin. When we defy God, we should repent and ask for forgiveness. In response, He takes away the guilt and restores us to a right relationship with Him. This pattern carries into our relationships with others. If someone offends you, they should ask for forgiveness and show remorse. Following God’s example, we forgive their debt to us, as detailed in Colossians 3:13.
The burden of unforgiveness.
What happens when someone can’t or won’t ask for forgiveness? Or maybe they say they’re sorry but then continue to commit the same sin. Peter posed this question to Jesus when he asked how often he should forgive someone who sins against him in Matthew 18:21. Essentially, Peter wanted to know when his responsibility to forgive ended. When we refuse or neglect to forgive the sins of others, we become like a collection agency. The debt of their sin weighs us down, and we have a responsibility to make them pay. At first, we might not like the prospect of extracting restitution from the person who wronged us.
However, over time, the task of debt collection grew burdensome. When the offender doesn’t meet our expectations, our hearts harden toward them. If we continue the relationship, resentment may creep in. A feeling of superiority and pride follows close on the heels of resentment. Over time, bitterness develops and gives the devil a foothold in our lives. The weight of debt stops us from obeying God’s command to love this offending neighbor as ourselves. Jesus answered Peter’s question on forgiveness in Matthew 18:22. Seventy times seven is a figure of speech, which means there are no limits. Jesus aims for us to forgive the coworker who gossips behind our backs every day, the neighbor who bothers us with loud parties, and even the person who victimized a loved one. This improved standard of forgiveness would be impossible with the help of God’s Spirit.
Forgiveness means giving up our claim against the person who trespassed against us. Depending on the nature of the offense, a pardon might also include the restoration of a broken relationship. When restoration is safe and reasonable, trust must be earned. Reunification might not be possible in every instance, but God always wants us to forgive.
Steps in the process of forgiveness.
Imagine yourself at the foot of Jesus’ cross and remember the blood He shed covers every person’s sins, even the ones that hurt you. Ultimately, offenses are against God, but we typically get caught in the crossfire of sin. Let’s not shortchange the value of Jesus’ sacrifice with a refusal to apply His bloodshed to every sin we’ve suffered at the hands of others. In this necessary second step, it may be best to pour out your heart to God about the full scope of the sin against you. If the offense is small, this process might be quick and easy, but life-changing hurts can take more time as you talk to God about the pain that’s crept into every area of your life.
This isn’t the time to excuse or minimize. Instead, we should be honest with God about the effects of the other person’s actions on our lives. If you think of the infraction as a plant, you may want to apply the power of Jesus’ sacrifice not only to the leaves and fruit but also all the way down to the deepest root. God’s forgiveness of our sins is always lasting and complete. However, our forgiveness of others may sometimes need to be renewed. If old feelings resurface, we can once again feel the weight of unforgiveness. At these times, we can run to God and recapture inner peace by going through the steps of forgiveness. Whether the offender is sorry or not, this process of forgiveness lets us exchange the burden of exacting justice for God’s peace. We can trust Him to handle every offense against us.
