Is Your Church Making You Depressed?

Depression can have many sources. It can arise from an abusive family member. It can stem from hurtful comments about your gender. It can come from the shame heaped upon you by a workplace bully.

But one source of depression that no one ever talks about is church. That’s right—your place of worship might be making you depressed.

Why?

Because the house of God is filled with fallible people—people who are capable of abusing, hurting, and shaming one another. Those same people who do these things within their families, workplaces, and communities, bring their flaws to church with them.

But one thing makes the church an especially insidious source of depression is that it’s nearly impossible to detect as a source of pain. Abuse can wear many masks, some of them quite pious or innocent, and when this abuse is mixed with theology, you may even begin to think that your mistreatment is a punishment from God, Himself.

It’s not. That’s not how God works, and it’s not the way His church should work—if your church is hurting you, it’s time to go. So to help you figure out if it’s time to move on, let’s look at 7 ways your church might be making you depressed.

The Abuse of Power

Does the leadership of your church rule through fear and domination, silencing opposing voices and labeling those who question them as “troublemakers”? Worse, do these leaders demand obedience because they are “God’s anointed”?

This isn’t scriptural. Your church has an issue with the abuse of power.

When church leaders rule by force rather than serving in love, churchgoers suffer, just as a family would suffer beneath the iron hand of an overbearing father—they wither for a lack of respect, are forced into roles they don’t want or can’t handle, and they don’t feel they have a meaningful voice. They are no longer people. They are pawns.

Being powerless and controlled in the place that should be your greatest sanctuary can cause depression.

Your pastor is not an angel or an avatar of God. He’s not even a celebrity. He’s a human being, subject to the same base passions as anyone else. And if he, or anyone else, rules your church in a way that steps out of line with Biblical teachings, it’s time to go.

Don’t be intimidated into staying in a depressing situation—get out.

Gender Issues

Speaking of issues of power, would you want to attend a church where more than half of the congregants are treated as second-class citizens in the kingdom of God?

No—you wouldn’t. But the fact is that many churches do just this to their female congregants, who, by the way, attend church in vastly higher numbers than men.

This often boils down to how a church interprets the teachings of Paul, who wrote, in one of his letters, that women should never teach men, that they must, in fact, be silent.

This often translates into a church environment that is toxic for women—one that can leave you depressed as you are made to feel lesser because of your gender, as you are silenced, as you are robbed of opportunities to use your strengths and gifts.

But, again, this is unscriptural. Galatians 3:28 proclaims the truth: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

In this context, we can see that Paul wasn’t speaking of all women, all the time. He was addressing a particular issue at a particular church. But what it truly boils down to is if your church isn’t treating you as Jesus would have treated you, it’s time to go.

There are other churches out there that will treat you with the love, equity, and respect that you deserve as a human being made in the image of God.

Gossip

Does your church’s method of dealing with conflict involve talking about people rather than to people? This is called gossip. It’s cowardly, mean-spirited, and hurtful, and it has no place within the church.

Gossip is a lot more hurtful than most people realize. It’s a sneaky thing that can quickly break down the unity of a church, and if it’s about you, it is extremely difficult to prove false.

It often comes from a place of self-importance—this or that person just doesn’t meet the standards of the church community, and so they are “discussed”. That discussion mutates, facts are exaggerated, and before you know it, someone’s ankle tattoo has turned into an epic tale of drug addiction.

Church should be a place of unity and fellowship—you shouldn’t have to fear cliques and gossip. You shouldn’t have to fear for your reputation. Environments like this can wear you down over time, fostering depression.

God wants to meet you in a place where you feel safe and comfortable. If this isn’t your church, it’s time to find another.

Bad Theology

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Bad theology isn’t just the playground of cults and fundamentalist churches. It can arise anywhere, and it can affect churchgoers in terrible ways.

God gave us the Bible so that we can know Him, glorify Him, and serve Him better. He also gave it to us for our own good—He knows the end game, and He knows what is best for us. He love us, after all.

But some churches wield that same Bible like a hammer, slamming guilt, worthlessness, and, above all, shame into their congregants.

That shame is the worst, and the prime cause of depression amongst those in churches that practice bad theology. And it is especially harmful because this spiritual abuse is backed by “scripture”.

But the reality is that these scriptures are cherry-picked and unexamined. God doesn’t want to shame you. You aren’t worthless. You’re made in the image of God, Himself, and you’re of infinite value. Anyone who takes the time to really understand the Bible can see that.

So if you’re in a church environment that constantly makes you feel like the scum of the earth, leave that place. You’ll lift a weight from your shoulders that you didn’t know you had.

Apathy

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Apathy is one of those sneaky qualities that often goes unchecked in churches, but you can see it if you look hard enough. People scatter as soon as the sermon is over. There is no community outreach program. The pastor never answers his phone, and no one is interested in the lives of anyone else. Congregants and leadership are bored and uninvolved.

This isn’t the way church is supposed to be. If your church lacks purpose, you can take on that sense of purposelessness. Before long, you’ll start to wonder what the point of it all is, and why you come at all.

This hurts, and the loss of an overarching purpose that extends beyond the material world can cause depression.

Don’t grow complacent along with your peers in this kind of church. Break out and try to start something—anything. Since this is one of the few problematic church situations which can be changed relatively easily, work to make your church more active. People will get excited and may get involved, themselves.

And if that doesn’t work? Move on and find your purpose elsewhere. They probably won’t even notice.

Empty Pageantry

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This one is almost as hard to see as apathy, but in a different way—it can be breathtakingly beautiful. This kind of church appears to have it all. They’ve got a talented worship team. They have a charismatic pastor. They probably have a ton of really extroverted members who swarm all over you as you step inside.

But after a while, something rings hollow.

This is the church that loves to look at itself in the mirror. It spends most of its budget on things that look good rather than on outreach and missions. Its members pray loudly, but don’t really say anything to God. It's musicians produce awesome tunes, but no one is really worshiping. It's more a social club than a place to worship God.

It’s all style and no substance, and the result is very close to that of an apathetic church—a loss of overarching purpose. When your church is merely a selfish echo chamber instead of a loudspeaker to the rest of the world, you can quickly become depressed by the resulting emptiness.

Don’t hesitate to find a place of deeper worship if this is the case for you. Having the opportunity to be actively in the service of God can surprise you with joy.

Big Brother

Finally, does your church cultivate an atmosphere of distrust? Are phrases like “hold one another accountable” thrown about? Are you explicitly told to “watch” one another?

Then you’ve got a 1984 situation on your hands, and like Big Brother, your church is watching every move you make, ready to respond with punishment.

It’s good for a church to have guidelines in place to handle troublesome issues, but when those guidelines include spying and reporting on one another, things have gone too far.

This often goes along with the aforementioned bad theology—shame is a huge component here. Congregants’ secrets are often publicly revealed in this kind of church, and this is done under the guise of scriptural church discipline.

If your church’s leadership and congregation take pleasure in finding dirt on one another and publicly exposing it, it’s definitely time to move on. This kind of environment can lead to feelings of shame, worthlessness, and paranoia—all of which can lead to depression.

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