Caring for a Parent with a Chronic Disease

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Caring for a parent with a chronic disease is tough. You may feel you are fighting for control over your time and even your sanity. When all of your energy is spent caring for someone else, you may not have any left for yourself.

Caregiving is a valuable job, but it can be a draining one. It’s important to not let it completely take over your life. You may be caring for your parent, but you need to take care of yourself as well. It’s OK to be selfish sometimes. If you take some time to relax, recharge and destress, you will be a better caregiver. It won’t change the difficulties of caring for your parent, but you will be better able to handle what it throws your way.

From taking a day (or a few hours) off to relax to finding help to lessen the stress of caregiving, these tips will help you avoid burnout and lead a more balanced life.

Take Advantage of Respite Care

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If you are burnt out, sick or just need some time for yourself, take some time off with respite care. You may find it difficult to take a break, but there are times when a day off to recharge is exactly what you need.

Informally, you may be able to find a family member or a friend that can take over your duties for a day. Reach out to community groups you know and trust to see who is available.

Formal respite care is designed to give caregivers a break. A care worker can take your parent on an outing for the day or you can arrange an overnight stay. There is community center-based respite care for short time periods and residential respite care for longer stays.

Take advantage of respite care so you can take time for yourself without worrying about your parent. You will know they are in capable hands.

Celebrate Small Victories

Treasure and celebrate the small, meaningful moments. When caregiving for long periods of time, days can blend together. Choose to focus on the positive aspects of caregiving and celebrate your small victories. That could be a milestone in your parent’s progress, or a small moment you shared together.

To remember and keep track of the good times, try jotting them down in a journal. If you ever feel discouraged in your parent’s progress, you can flip through your notes and remember the good times you’ve had.

When you start keeping an eye out for small victories, you will start to see them more and more. Celebrate these small, magical moments so that they don’t get passed over and forgotten.

Know Your Limits

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Between caring for your parent, cleaning, cooking, errands and the mountain of other daily tasks you have on your plate, it’s normal to feel worn out. If you feel like you are about to be pushed over the edge, take a deep breath and remember that you don’t have to be a perfect caregiver.

The world will go on if a few things don’t get done today. Leave the laundry unwashed for a day. Order takeout for dinner instead of spending hours in the kitchen. Leave those dirty dishes in the sink. Your health and wellbeing is much more important than a spotless kitchen.

If you have reached your limit, call in some reinforcements. Ask family, friends or neighbors who you know and trust to come help you out. It’s okay to ask for help—you are not invincible and you shouldn’t try to be.

Don’t Do it All Yourself

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Caregiving is best done by a community. If you try to do it all yourself, you may feel like you have no life of your own. This is especially true if your parent has a chronic disease. Strike a better life balance by spreading out the work.

Ask your family, friends and community if they can pitch in and help. Look for community services like ridesharing, grocery delivery and carpooling groups. Make use of support groups and services offered by your local community and health centers.

Used to doing all the work yourself? Start with getting help with errands – you’ll find that it is a huge relief. It may take some more money, but it might very well be worth the stress it takes off you. With the errands done, you will be able to focus on spending time with your parent or recharging yourself instead.

Join a Caregiver Support Group

You are not alone. You are not the only person going through the joys and struggles of caregiving. Look for local caregiver support groups where you can meet other caregivers in similar situations. You can exchange tips and tricks, step in where help is needed and give each other emotional support, advice and encouragement.

If you find you don’t have time to leave the house, look for online support groups. You are sure to find a group with caregivers who share a similar situation. Friends you make online can provide valuable advice and support when you need it the most. Whatever type of support group you choose, find one where you feel safe, comfortable and among friends.

Take a ‘You’ Day

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Make time to eat well, get regular exercise and get enough rest. It’s easy to deem these things “unnecessary” when you are busy caring for your parent, but taking care of yourself will only help you continue to be the best caregiver you can be.

Put your needs first. This is not as counterintuitive as it seems. You cannot be the best for others if you can’t be the best for yourself, both mentally and physically. Find time to do what brings you joy. Get someone to look after your parent or make time for yourself when they are watching TV or taking a nap. Do “unnecessary” things like getting your hair and nails done or spending time with a good book—whatever it is that makes you happy.