10 Days to a Happier Family

Happiness doesn’t need to be observed from the sidelines when it comes to your family now or in the future. With so much attention focused on personal fulfillment, isn’t it time to change gears? Work, ambitions, or other obligations can choke all our free time, while leaving the family on the back-burner—waiting for a leader, or someone fun! We can’t do it all, but we can find balance in a topsy-turvy world by using ingenuity, creativity, gratitude and communication. And although, each day presents its own carnival tricks, and nuances, there are also those moments that make you forget the bad. That’s where we come in. The cool aspect of the following tips is that you don’t need superpowers to experience more joy within your family. Making small changes over the next 10 days is life-changing. Take heart, dig in, and get ready for a happier family. We do suggest to keep your magical cape in the closet (for now).

Communication

Only those who can read minds can communicate the best, and since this is not a valid option we need to do the work. How we respond could determine the atmosphere and the conversation that follows. If your kid lost a toy, take a step back if they go into a rage. Easier said than done, but yelling will just escalate the situation. Kids don’t respond to yelling wrote parenting expert, Dr. Justin Coulson, and it can damage them. “So the issue isn’t really about getting our children to listen. They can hear us just fine — they just don’t want to hear what we are constantly nagging them about. The issue is more about finding a way to invite our children to comply with basic requests in a timely manner — and keeping the volume down while we do it.” Raising the volume is not the answer. With the example of the lost toy, walk your kids through the house to help them find their toy, using a calmer tone.

Finding Balance

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The next order of business is to realize when children are reaching out to us. This can be children sharing about their day, expressing emotion, or asking for your time. Kids reach out while we’re busy. It can be at work, dealing with emails, talking with friends—and while we’re on Facebook. Swap stories, to make them feel like they are being heard when they come home. This doesn’t mean you need to drop everything you’re doing all the time. There needs to be boundaries. We need to become aware if we’re burning out, by feeding into the demands. We start resenting them for not allowing us to have a moment to ourselves, and don’t see them as people. WebMD concurred: “There aren’t a set number of hours that qualifies as too much time together. Take a look at your routine. Are you spending close to every waking hour with your kids? Or every moment you’re not at work? Do they depend on you for everything, including their entertainment? Eventually, you’re going to burn out.” Make time for the family, but set realistic expectations.

Spending Time Together

No social media, texting, or television. Bake or cook together, go to a movie, go to the beach, take a painting class, or go on an adventure everyone creates. Do fun things together. Put family first, Rabbi and family counselor Shmuley Boteach wrote. “In happy families, family come before friends,” he said. "The camp counselor understands something that parents don't and that is that caring for kids also has to be fun. Give rules, but understand that kids need fun, too. When kids get bored and listless, they start looking for excitement out of the home and that is when friends become more important. Friendship is important, but subordinate to family.” As much structure as we all need, we need to also have fun, and teach there is more to life than school and work. It doesn’t need to be overtly involved, either. Try something spontaneously like take a drive, or go to an exhibition.

Breaking Bread

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Experts agree that family meals are important. Many Italians would have meals together every Sunday. People would just drop by and eat! This doesn’t need to be limited to once a week, and can be done during the week as well. “We know that eating together can boost achievement in children, lower the chance for eating disorders in girls, and lower depression rates in both girls and boys. But that doesn’t mean meals have to be serious, formal affairs. Simple, humorous rituals are what children remember as adults. Try a monthly “backward day,” serving breakfast for dinner and vice versa, or watch Saturday-morning cartoons together over breakfast,” Health.com reported. Big Sunday dinners can be great, but we know we can’t do this every week. Schedules are more demanding now than ever. That is no excuse not to sit down together and share how the day went, and to even laugh a little. Make the time to eat together.

Charity

The family should learn about gratitude, and getting involved in a charity. Allow the kids to pick from their charity of their choice, and ask them for their input. “Include your children in your decision-making process, too, so that they can start to see that there is a clear and thoughtful manner in which you make contributions to charity. Explaining why you're choosing not to support organizations that have pitched to you is an equally important lesson,” writer Jean Chatzky wrote. Here are ideas for everyone to consider for charity. Visit a hospital during the holidays, or send care packages to the military men and women overseas. Make a charity jar where kids can donate their allowance, or walk for a cause like cancer. Make giving a habit. “Don't push them on your kids. Instead, understand that when children can focus on things they find interesting, they'll be more apt to stay with it,” Chatzky shared.

Invest in Your Marriage

For a happy home there needs to be happy parents. This is a no-brainer, but this can slip through the cracks where we are so busy, and the marriage suffers. Kids that come from a home where the parents are affectionate to each other and respect each other will take those good memories into their relationships. More importantly, don't coast through this time and set up a weekly meeting to reconnect with your spouse, Parents.com recommended. “You always find time to listen to your best friend when she needs to vent. But if your husband seems irritable when he comes home, you might just hand him the baby and rush out the door to do errands. In these days of tag-team parenting, those lazy hours spent talking about everything can feel like a distant memory. Discussing your worst moments may seem like a downer when you have limited time together, but when you understand what the other person is going through, you'll be more of a team." Make it a point to keep the relationship fresh, and to create happy memories.

Chores

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Getting chores done doesn’t seem like a fun thing to add, but it will teach kids about a good work ethic and it will help mom and dad. Make it fun. You can time who can pick up the most clothes, or fold the quickest in the family. Make finding the most socks or shoes laying around the house a scavenger hunt. Adults need to join as well. The winner picks dinner for the night, or what ice cream is served. Need more leverage? We know money speaks, Family Share wrote. “Does money speak louder than words at your house? Having each chore receive a certain monetary amount will definitely be an incentive for getting the work done. How about hiding coins or small bills throughout their room and they have to clean up to find the money. Non-monetary rewards are also an incentive. How about, whoever cleans their room first gets to stay up half an hour later that night?” Watch how clean the house gets with that one!

Create Traditions

Make a new family tradition. We mentioned Sunday dinner as a possible tradition--we can have pizza and movie Friday, where everyone makes their own pizza. Turn up the music and have a little party after reaching an accomplishment. When the kids turn a certain age, have them pick a place they want to go visit. Have them learn about those who have passed away and their legacy. Make a tradition not just for special events, but every day. “Spending time alone with each child such as having dinner with individual children or doing a hobby or project together personalizes experiences and affords parents the opportunity to recognize and encourage each child’s special qualities,” Psychology Today explained. “Weekly family meetings (perhaps with a favorite dinner) allows for discussion of upcoming schedules and activities for each family member and provides a forum to air differences, raise important issues, and plan ahead for the family."

Teach Empathy

Teach kids empathy so they learn how to relate to others. This will serve as a foundation for the rest of their lives, and it allows them to see things from another’s perspective. First we need to model it as an adult, and then we can help children see how it works. There are opportunities for this every day. Like helping someone with packages, listening to a problem, or sending an encouraging note. “When we teach our children (by example) to see others as real people, with real feelings, hopes, dreams, and desires, and with the same human frailties we all possess, we teach them to see others as humans whose lives are every bit as precious as their own. We teach them to value and respect others. We teach them to treat others the way others would like to be treated,” Dr. Coulson continued. Teaching empathy now will make them more responsible and happier adults.

Feel the Positivity

Be positive! Yes, live it and act it. If you’re positive that will radiate and cause everyone around you to be happy. Allow the house to become a safe haven where people can be themselves, and exchange ideas. Play fun music, dance, run in the rain with the kids, and share daily affirmations to build self-esteem. “It’s important to set goals, take care of business, and get everything in order, but we must still make time for fun and relaxation. These moments of play, amusement, and tranquility are where families really bond. Think of the family traditions and routines that have offered fun times to grow the relationship. This may be going to the movies, taking vacations, playing games, or even cooking and cleaning,” Psych Central offered. If you’re inspired, your family will remain inspired. Make sure to take care of you and fill your own tank first, and then, spread the love.