Celebrating Father’s Day Without Dad

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The word “father” is identified with love, guidance and support. That kind of love does not fade after our fathers die…in fact, our affection flourishes as we mature.

Special days like Father’s Day tend to be more difficult for the fatherless. The incessant marketing campaigns leading up to the day illuminates the absence of him, resulting in grief that is just as fresh as if the death occurred yesterday. For someone grieving their father the entire month of June is a series of ups and downs. When your father is alive and well, you tend not to notice all the commercial marketing for Father's Day. Greeting cards, the perfect gift, dinner plans, even jokes about buying that perfect necktie or pajamas for dad. However, when your father is no longer around the perpetual marketing campaigns combined with the nagging spam in your inbox mentioning Father's Day can feel like tiny daggers stabbing your heart.

For the entire month of June you have thoughts like the following: Hey Bed Bath and Beyond, do you have the perfect gift for the deceased dad? Or…What greeting card did you last give him? Was it funny, serious, or too mushy? Did he keep it? Did you tell him how much you love and appreciate him? Did you do enough?

Losing your father can be a devastating life changing experience, especially if you were close to him. Each year will have occasions where the loss feels enormous, such as his birthday or Father’s Day. Just because he has passed does not mean you stop celebrating dad on Father’s Day.

Below are some suggestions on how to celebrate father’s day when your dad is no longer physically present.

Remember his legacy.

Memorialize Dad’s life and legacy by telling others about his loving gestures. You can scream it from the roof tops, write a post on social media or invite your dad’s friends to a family gathering. At your gathering be sure to have all of your dad’s favorite foods for guests to enjoy throughout the evening. This can be formal dinner, a backyard barbeque, or a casual informal get together. Ask each guest to come prepared with a photo of your dad and a story of him. When the gathering has ended put together a memory book with all the photos and memories shared. You can even release balloon into the sky with written highlights of the evening inside so Dad can read it in heaven.

By sharing these memories both you and your guests will learn the impact your dad had on other people’s lives. You will realize that you are not the only person who misses him. One of the best ways to heal is to remember. Remember your father; remember the sorrow, the love, and the lessons only Dad was able to teach you. Cherish the time you were able to have with him and heal with the memories.

Write a letter to Dad.

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Tell your dad what has been happening in your life. Share important family news and photos. Give Dad an update on his favorite sports teams. Did your dad enjoy politics? Then discuss what’s going on in Washington. What was your dad’s favorite TV show? Give him an update. Write about your feelings. Let him know how you are handling your grief and how family and friends are treating you during this grief journey. Was Dad ill before he passed? Ask him for a sign that he’s whole in heaven. If you have a favorite photo of Dad keep it nearby as you are composing your letter. Talk to him, tell him how much you miss him and how you wish he could be a part of all the wonderful things in your life, he’s always listening. Writing can be a cathartic exercise for the grieving. As you are writing pray and ask God for comfort. Always ask for God’s comfort. He can bring you a sense of peace that no one else can. Father’s Day is just one day a year, but God is with you every day.

Thank your mother.

The fifth commandment in the Bible is honor thy mother and father. We honor our parents by respecting them even in death, giving them the assurance that we will not forsake the surviving parent. Just as they cared for us, we will care for them. Perhaps one of the best ways to celebrate Father’s Day when you do not have a father is to celebrate and honor your mother. Your mother is doing her best to perform dual roles, she deserves to be recognized. You lost your father, but your mother lost her husband, the man who played a significant role in raising you and helping your Mom. Your mother is probably feeling your father’s absence on this day as well. Your mother is now handling everything alone with no gaps, continuing to love you unconditionally and offer you praise. There are never enough opportunities in life to celebrate Mom for all her sacrifices. Taking the time to shower your mother with some extra love and respect on Father’s Day might have a tremendous impact on her.

Plant a tree in your father’s honor.

If your mother is still alive, and she has room in her backyard consider planting the tree there. If you have space in your yard, you can also plant the tree there. Try selecting a tree that fits your father’s personality. If you are looking for a beautiful tree that grows quickly and provides shade consider planting a weeping willow tree. Weeping willows are symbolic to death because of their weeping form. Invite family and friends over to gather and recite a few words as they share their favorite memories of your father. After placing the tree in the ground, ask each guest to toss a handful of dirt into the ground and quietly say a prayer before you finish planting the tree. You could also keep a chair by the tree and spend time talking to your dad and praying each day. If you do not have the space to plant a tree in your own backyard, find a local nonprofit, hospice, or place of worship and donate a tree. This is a brilliant way to beautify your community in your father’s memory.

Volunteer on Father’s Day.

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If your father passed away after a long illness consider volunteering at a local hospital, nursing home or place of worship. Your actions big or small will have an impact on someone’s life. By spending time with someone in a nursing home you are showing them that they are not alone. A quick game of checkers with an elderly patient will give them a radiant smile that will last all day. Was there a doctor or nurse who took exemplary care of your father? Perhaps you want to visit their office to thank them and bring them you father’s favorite dessert. If you traditionally took your dad out for a meal on Father’s Day, gave him a gift or just spent the afternoon with him watching sports, consider brightening the day for another father by doing the same for him. If your father had an illness make a donation in his name to a nonprofit dedicated to your dad’s specific illness. While your father can never be replaced your actions are a gesture of love and kindness in his memory that will make him smile from heaven and be proud of the individual he raised.