My new coaching clients continue to tell me how they want something more from their relationships, both those dating and clients who are already in committed partnerships . . . but they can’t quite put it into words. They have a feeling perhaps or some semblance of an idea based on previous experiences. When they seek my help, they wish to better understand the ineffable quality they sense.
My answer, in so many words, sounds something like this, “The type of relationship you are describing is what I call a soul-based relationship.”
“What is that?” they ask.
I continue to explain: “A soul-based relationship is the natural, loving way we are meant to experience partnership with each other. Qualities of a soul-based relationship include being unconditionally loving, accepting, open to learning, harmonious, trusting, understanding, patient and empowering. Is this the kind of relationship you want?”
The common answer I hear is, “Yes, it is exactly what I want!”
To better understand soul-based qualities, it helps to compare them with their antithesis, the ego-based qualities. Below is part of a two-column list found in my book Empower Our Children: God’s Call to Parents, How to Heal Yourself and Your Children.
I recommend for you to grab your journal now, so that you may follow along as we explore and begin to create a soul-based loving relationship for you!
Soul-Based Relationship Qualities
Acceptance
Unity
Understanding
Freedom
Empowerment
Patience
Respect
Ego-Based Relationship Qualities
Conditions
Separation
Blame
Control
Disempowerment
Impatience
Disrespect
After reviewing the Soul-Based and Ego-Based Relationship Qualities above, you can move on to the exercise below intended to give you a snapshot of your relationship experiences up to this point. Evaluating and understanding your relationships gives you the power to shift qualities that have not served you to qualities that you do want.
Soul-Based Relationship Review
- Reflect on your relationship with your current partner or a past partner.
- Identify the qualities above that you experienced in the relationship.
- Determine which qualities serve you now and which ones do not.
- Transform the beliefs that have enabled the qualities you do not want to beliefs that support the qualities you do want. For example, if a quality you don’t want is ‘Blame’, then choose its antithesis ‘Understanding’, and transform beliefs so that you can experience ‘Understanding’.
We all would like a quick fix that will give us the loving soul-based relationship we desire. Attracting new soul-based friendships and partnerships, as well as harmonizing our current relationships requires patience and time. Most importantly, it also takes a willingness to look within ourselves to transform the sticking points or limitations that we may have blamed others for in the past.
The soul is within. Love is within. Greater freedom is within you right now.
The primary purpose of relationships is for each of us to grow and evolve. This is called personal transformation. Personal transformation is when we consciously choose to work towards a change within ourselves. This often means letting go of the stories and limiting beliefs that are not aligned with what we truly want for ourselves.
For many, personal transformation is unappealing because it is challenging, and to some it is a signal that something must be ‘wrong’. By seeing the personal transformation that relationships offer us as opportunistic gifts, we can begin to have fun with the process and find potential partners who see it similarly. Or we can inspire our current partner to view the relationship as an invitation to transform and be empowered. Either way, you can turn any seemingly hard experience into one of play and light-heartedness. Life is meant to be celebrated, especially the experience of creating soul-based relationships.
Having your own soul-based loving relationship has already begun by considering these words and applying them where it resonates to you in your life. Just remember, soul-based living is a journey, not a destination. It is a way of life.
