7 Ways to Embrace the Power of Grieving

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The one thing we are certain about in this life is that it will end, yet even when it happens, we are never prepared. Often times we are not emotionally equipped to deal with such a loss. We either fall apart or head straight for denial. But, in reality, falling apart or going through denial is all part of the normal process of grieving. It’s important that we understand how to best deal with a loss in order to provide comfort to someone who is grieving. So the question is how do we deal with or what do we say to a close friend or family member who has just experienced a loss? Many of us have no idea what to say or how to handle the situation. While it’s not easy to know what to do when you’re grieving through a personal loss or know the right thing to do to help someone who is dealing with a loss, there are some simple and effective ways to handle grieving. Here are seven ways to embrace the power of grieving.

Remember That People Come Into Our Lives for a Reason and a Season

There is a poem by an anonymous writer that begins, “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” While this poem is likely addressing life seasons, it is also a great source of wisdom as we reflect on our time here on earth. Ecclesiastes 3:2,4 explains that there is a season for everything, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. The truth is, people are only in our lives for a season, and it’s so important that we embrace that season. Whether it was the result of an accident or a sustained illness, nothing can prepare us for the death of a loved one. While we can’t prepare for the grieving, we can hold onto that person in our hearts. When you’re grieving, embrace all the wonderful memories you had with that person during their earthly life, and find strength and comfort in the privilege of being able to experience life with that person.

Don’t Grieve Alone

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Grief does not end, but grief can be transformed. Grief can soften. We can learn to accept our grief. It can take on another shape, rather than taking over your life. The key to resolving your grief is to surround yourself with someone who can support you through your grief, who can also validate your feelings. To resolve means to settle, to work out, or to find meaning. It does not mean to erase or to end. While grief does not end, you can carry grief differently after working through feelings and finding resolution. While grieving, you need a sense of a compassionate presence. That is a person who provides a healthy relationship and companionship. It is the person who can “just be” with you in whatever way is helpful throughout your journey.

Remember Grieving is Natural and Necessary

As painful a season as it is, grief is a necessary part of our healing. It is not easy to let go of close relationships that have existed in our lives. Dealing with the emotions that occur in the grieving process takes much time and energy and is usually both physically and emotionally demanding. Some people grieve openly, while others hide their feelings of distress. Some people grieve quickly, while others take a long time to finish. There is no right way to grieve. Each individual comes up with a method of grieving that fits them and their particular loss. We can’t and shouldn’t run from grief. When we do, we are running from the very thing that can ease the pain of our loss. Remember, grief is a process that God uses to bring us to a place of wholeness. Grieving is a necessary part of our journey to healing.

Create Space to Grieve

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When you’re grieving, most of us want to hurry past the pain and forget that it even exists, but it’s important that we take time to deal with our emotions. While it may seem like a good idea, don’t try to distract yourself from the sorrow. When you do this, you will experience strong emotions including anger, depression, fear and despair, emotions you may have never experienced before. Allow yourself to create a space to grieve and feel these emotions in the presence of God, for He is with you. The Bible reminds us that, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). The Bible also reminds us, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). God is by your side every step of the way.

Honor Your Pain

Most of us have been taught that pain and sadness are indications that something is wrong and that you should find ways to alleviate the pain. In our culture, pain and feelings of loss are experiences most people try to avoid because the role of pain and suffering are misunderstood. Normal thoughts and feelings after a loss are often seen as unnecessary and inappropriate. Unfortunately, our culture has an unwritten rule that says while physical illness is usually beyond your control, emotional distress is your fault. In other words, some people think you should be able to control or subdue your feelings of sadness. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your sadness is a symptom of your wound. Just as physical wounds require attention, so do emotional wounds.

Remember You Are Not Alone

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Scripture says that God comforts us, not only to bring rest to our hearts, but also so we can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). If you have experienced God’s comfort in your time of grief, you are uniquely able to understand what a fellow griever is going through. So what do or say will give other mourners hope and rest. Don’t hoard your comfort. Your experience has qualified you to be an active part of the army of helpers that our God of compassions sends into our broken, hurting world. As you face the death of a loved one, remember you are not alone. Jesus endured death for you so that even in the face of death, you would have eternal life, and that you would be able to live with hope, strength and courage. Because of what Jesus has done for you, good things can happen even in the darkest moments of life.