Who doesn’t cringe about having the “sex talk” with children? It can be the most uneasy, freighting, and scary conversation to have in the relationship. This uncomfortable conversation is easy to put off until another time. If you’re a procrastinator, you might be at the point of delaying the discussion, until the moment is right.
But when is it the moment right? Author Anne Marie Miller brought up a several solid points that include the sooner the better. 5 Things Every Parent Their Kids & Sex attacks our fears, and tools us to get a grip.
Sheltering kids will only hurt them. Information is readily access able online, social media, and in the media. You can’t hide the kid’s forever regarding sexuality. They will pick it up from school, television or other places.
There is no escape.
“We need to stop seeing sex as shameful, awkward, and embarrassing,” Miller wrote. But sex in and of itself is beautiful and should be celebrated.”
Remember the Kim Kardashian photos on Instagram posted in 2014? Well, there was no escaping those pictures.
Miller pointed out that kids have Wi-Fi, phones, and i-pads, and the mainstream media will infiltrate their lives—easy to see those nude images. It is important to get a handle on the sex topic and not hide it. Make sure you create a non threatening atmosphere without judgment. Get the facts. This will not ruin their innocence Focus on the Family shared.
“Innocence is a function of attitude, not information. A school-age child who understands the specifics of sex, while seeing it as an act that, in the proper context, both expresses love and begins new life, retains his innocence. But a child who knows very little about sex can already have a corrupt mind-set if he has been exposed to it in a degrading, mocking or abusive context.”
Kids start asking questions between the ages of two and three. If they will ask where babies come from? You can answer that babies form in mommy’s belly within the uterus without getting too involved in the reproductive speech.
How are babies made? Babies are made from mommy and daddy’s cells. If you don’t have the answer that’s fine--you don’t need to go into detail. If they’re small, a picture book could help guide you. Don’t be afraid of the questions.
This will not lead to sexuality activity-- it can lead to safer sex. Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D offered advice on this topic for Psychology Today:
“The message children get from discussions of sex is the message you communicate. If you say that you do not think teenagers should have sex, your child will hear you. He or she may not agree with you, but if you say nothing, you will never learn what your child thinks, nor will your teen know where you stand.”
When they’re young name the body parts for girls and boys in the beginning of the child’s language development. WedMD suggested if you make these conversations over the years it will help make it easier later on. The foundation will be already set.
Later down the road it will be even tougher, so this is a chance to share your values regarding sex. Ask yourself really want them getting the information where you have no control.
“You want your children to follow. You need your preteen or teen to understand the possible consequences of being sexually active -- including pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and all of the emotional trappings that come with being part of a sexual relationship.”
Right now you can plant and create the foundation that will shape your kid's life and sexual outlook. Let them see you as the teacher, not the media, or the world.
