11 Keys to Creating a Successful Routine for Your Baby

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Our beautiful babies come into this world as a clean slate. And they trust their mother to teach them the most common facets of life to grow and thrive. Some babies learn quickly to feed better than others. And some babies begin early with wonderful sleeping habits while others have more trouble. Research shows young mothers that some elements of teaching their new babies a basic routine and organized schedule are vital in achieving their baby's best in learning healthy eating and sleeping habits.

In the mid 1980s, research began to point toward the effective nature of teaching our babies through gentle schedules and loving routines. This method of nurturing our newborns has become more and more popular since the turn of the century as opposed to simply letting babies "figure it out for themselves." The mother's instincts should always be utilized as your babies #1 authority on what is best for their baby. It can always be deemed wise to consult leading researchers and experts in the field to find consensus upon very basic advice that may help with mothering instincts in the times you may feel hesitant or have questions. This concept of establishing a basic routine and organized schedule is building enormous success with young mothers who seek the most loving and gentle way to teach their babies effective feeding and sleeping habits that benefit their baby while simultaneously providing calm for the rest of the family. A healthy baby can lead to a happy family.

Apply Common Sense

The level of success you’ll achieve in your routine is determined by the amount of common sense you employ. Richard Ferber, M.D., Harvard professor and Director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders, found in his research that when your baby is feeding is linked to so much more. In his book “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” he writes "feeding patterns are an important part of an infant's daily schedule."

While recognizing that many new mothers struggle with being firm with their babies, Dr. Ferber encourages that you push through to achieve the result. "Consistent schedules are especially important in treating sleep disorders." Similar to the findings by Dr. Bucknam, Dr. Ferber knew that being firm on schedules does not usually come natural for a new mother.

So if you are beginning to address your infant’s sleep problem, be sure to set up a firm schedule and stick to it rigorously for several weeks after your child has begun sleeping well again. Then you should be able to relax the schedule somewhat without the problem recurring.

Listen to Your Baby’s Cues

A successful tool for effective feeding, coined by Pediatrician & Founder of Cornerstone Pediatrics in Colorado Robert Bucknam, M.D. is PDF. PDF or Parent Directed Feeding, is the center point between hyper-scheduling and re-attachment theories. Dr. Bucknam, author of the On Becoming Baby Wise series, was one of the first experts to lead with basic routine, but covers his approach with flexibility.

"Listen to your baby's cues' is good advice. As a baby nearing the end of a sleep cycle, he will often make little suckle sounds and may even bring his hand towards his mouth and begin sucking. Then you may hear a slight whimpering, which can grow into a full cry. Those are all cues that it is time to eat, but the hunger cues should always trump the time on the clock."

Resist the Urge to Feed

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Your baby’s routine will keep her nighttime waking’s to a minimum if you resist the urge to feed her every time she cries. Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D., Assoc. Director of the Sleep Disorders Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, found the link between a baby's feeding and sleeping patterns. In her book “Sleeping Through the Night”, she writes "A consistent feeding schedule will help set a general daily routine. Babies and children love routines and relish schedules. They like to know what is going to happen next. Routines also give a framework in which to learn new skills."

One thing that is repeatedly present in parents' activity, is over-involvement. "Babies need to be able to put themselves to sleep without your intervention. All babies, as well as all adults, wake during the night. What is problematic is not the nighttime waking’s but the inability to return to sleep. Your baby needs to learn to soothe herself to sleep so that when she wakes for a moment in the middle of the night, she can put herself back to sleep."

Though you have only the best intentions in wanting to help your baby, it can be our own actions that destroy our baby's ability to sleep. “If during the night, you hear your baby begin to stir, walk, don't run to her. You will be surprised at how often she'll fall back to sleep on her own. Your baby may simply be stirring and by going to her too quickly, you may actually wake her up.”

Be Consistent and Allow Your Baby to Self-Soothe

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You must be consistent in your chosen routine in order to ensure proper sleep. Consistency truly is the critical ingredient. Author of “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” and well known British maternity nurse Tracy Hogg states that no matter what the specific problem a parent may be encountering with their baby, she always suggests the same remedy: a structured routine.

Your structured routine should allow your baby’s crying to be the normal communication that it is, which will help your baby learn to self-soothe. And for most new parents, self-soothing is the go-to skill to be learned. "You need to foster your baby's self-soothing skills." Tracy strongly encourages parents not to create sleep problems in their effort to be helpful. "Stand back and wait a heartbeat; you don't have to swoop down and pick up your baby the moment she cries. Take three deep breaths to center yourself and improve your own perception. It will also help you clear your mind of other people's voices and advice, which often make it hard for you to be objective."

As with many of the top experts on infant feeding and sleeping, Tracy encourages parents not to fear some crying, "Crying is your baby's language. This moment of hesitation is not to suggest that you should let your baby cry. Rather, listen to what he's saying to you."

Don’t Fear Routine

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Known as The Sleep Lady as seen on Oprah, and author of “The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight,” Kim West, LCSW-C saw a common thread with her clients: moms can misunderstand what she means by a basic routine and organized schedule.

"A lot of parents nowadays cringe at the word routine, but by routine I don't mean a rigid, minute by minute regimen. I mean a commonsense framework with time mapped out for eating, napping, sleeping, playing, and wake time - a framework that you can adapt as you grow more adept at reading your baby's signals and cues."

Kim emphasizes to new mothers that the best way to really love your new baby is to be consistent as you teach the routine and hold to the schedule. "If you aren't consistent, you aren't just making it harder for yourself. You are making it harder for your child."

Create a Stable, but Flexible Routine

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By selecting a flexible center point between hyper-scheduling and re-attachment theory, you can create a routine that utilizes the clock, but not be enslaved to it. Founder of the Sleep Disorders Center at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Marc Weissbluth, M.D. has an established five elements to successful sleep. His book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,” states the elements of healthy sleep as such. All five elements must be present to ensure good-quality, healthy sleep. Step 1. Sleep duration: night and day sleep; Step 2. Naps; Step 3. Sleep consolidation; Step 4. Sleep schedule; and Step 5. Sleep regularity.

Establish Feeding Patterns

Parents should be rigorous in establishing their child’s feeding patterns. Child Care Expert and Maternity Nurse Gina Ford has successfully mentored thousands of new mothers. After helping these clients with their babies, she boiled her strategy down to a few key elements in her book “The New Contented Little Baby Book.” Gina found the key to helping her clients' babies sleep longer, was consistency in feeding times. "I personally believe that the majority of babies thrive and are happier in a routine."

"The aim of the routine is not to push your baby through the night without a feeding but to ensure that structuring his eating and sleeping during the day will keep his nighttime waking at a minimum."

She warns new moms, similar to Tracy Hogg, not to be so fearful of your baby's crying that you miss what your baby is actually saying. "If the baby is fed every time he cries, mothers tend not to look for other reasons as to why the baby may be crying - overstimulation or over tiredness, for example."

Gina believes that to create the best routine for your child, you should follow the clock but allow your instincts to have priority. "Of course, all babies must be fed if they are genuinely hungry; no baby should have to cry to be fed or should be kept on a strict timetable if he is genuinely hungry."

Set Your Baby Up for Success

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Babies love routines and crave schedules for the security they provide. Routines also set the environment from which they can learn new skills, self-soothing being the most important. Dr. Lewis Jassey & Dr. Jonathan Jassey have treated over 15,000 patients in their 35 years as Pediatricians and wrote a book “The Newborn Sleep Book.” They are defenders of the basic routine for new babies, focused on teaching young babies to feed efficiently as opposed to sampling bit by bit. "We want to train your baby to be an efficient feeder - allowing for a comfortable amount of time between feedings - not to be a grazer. Grazers have a much harder time sleeping through the night.”

Myth: Letting a child cry at night leads to resentment and psychological damage. Truth: This myth is rooted in visceral emotion and has absolutely no medical or scientific basis.

“Granted, no parent likes to hear his or her child cry. Even understanding that crying is a newborn's only mode of communication, it understandably still very tough to hear. But the reality is that crying in and of itself does no harm to baby. Understanding why exactly your baby may be crying - and having a levelheaded response to it - is far more productive than going to great lengths to avoid it altogether."

Learning to understand your baby's cry is what your baby wants and needs. By getting to the bottom of this, you help set your baby up for success in sleeping through the night.

Learn Your Baby’s Language

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When you learn to understand your baby’s different cries, you can help them become efficient feeders. Sujay Kansagra, M.D. (Director of Duke Pediatric Neurology Sleep Medicine Program and author of My Child Won't Sleep), believes babies should be taught their sleep schedules. "Everyone should have a sleep routine - adults included.” Research shows that parent's own worries generally stand in the way of success.

"I don’t want my child to hate me. This is a fear for many parents. We worry that our child will feel abandoned and therefore become distant from us. You can rest assured that studies show this is not true. In fact, the exact opposite may be true: an infant's level of security can actually be better after going through sleep training, not worse.”

Dr. Kansagra reminds parents to keep your baby's needs at the forefront of your mind and above your own needs. "Caregiver guilt is a common reason why sleep training fails. If a child is crying, the natural response would be to console him or her. But remember, sleep training is not for you. Although you will benefit as well, the main reason to sleep train is for the health and well-being of your child. Not being able to self-soothe and go to sleep independently can be a burden for the child.

Persistence is the key. If your persistence can outlast that of your child, you will successfully sleep train your child. Once you start sleep training, don't turn back. Don't give up on sleep training after just a few nights. The most effective and proven sleep training solutions do involve some crying. But remember that it is for the health of your child."

Your Baby is Depending on Your Persistence

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Babies depend on your persistence in lasting through the crying to achieve their sense of security. Parents who worry that crying will result in loss of relationship or even further damage, can find comfort in the research of Lewis J Kass, M.D. (a Yale-trained, board certified pediatric pulmonologist and sleep medicine specialist). "Many parents worry that letting their kids cry it out will cause some type of irreversible damage to their psyche and the parent-child bond, but there won't be any long term damage."

Children don't start forming long-term memories until around the age of three, so they will not remember anything from the process of sleep training. However, they will have the benefits of stable sleep habits for the rest of their lives.

Relax, You Have Enough Time

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Take a deep breath and try to relax – you have more time than you think to learn what your baby’s individual cries mean, because crying will not cause any lasting issues. Our beautiful babies trust their parents to teach them. They desire to learn how to find security in this new large world they have entered. Some babies learn quickly on feeding and sleeping habits. Yet some babies do need a little more instruction to feel safe and establish a loving routine and gentle schedule.

The concept of leading your baby through such a schedule is building enormous momentum in the past ten years, especially among millennial mothers. Some mothers start this routine because they have heard of its success and simply want to try it. Some new moms are exhausted and need to try something different so they give it a whirl. Others have been on a demand style approach and are simply not finding rest for their baby or themselves. And many moms are being encouraged by husbands and siblings to try something new to bring calm to the home.

There are zillions of books, videos, and classes out there to give new moms all the answers. The most critical piece of information available to a young mother is: trust yourself. The mother's instincts should always be your babies #1 authority and line of defense. There are two main schools of thought that have led the way for moms across the world: Parent Directed Feeding (and sleeping) or Demand Feeding.

One approach has the parents teaching their new baby through loving schedule and gentle routine. The other approach says the baby knows what she needs and she directs her own schedule. One of the leading causes that seems to be encouraging the routine research to be followed is simply observing families on the two methods (Parent Directed Feeding/Sleeping vs Demand Feeding) and decide for yourself which family appears to be calm, smiling, and peaceful vs the opposite of chaos, stress, and constant tension (not to mention a lack of sleep for everyone). At last, you are your childs' mother - you and your instincts are the best thing she received upon entering this world. Trust yourself!