4 Ways to Raise Empathetic Kids

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Believe it or not, not all people have empathy. There are many reasons for this like abuse, having poor role models, or they have narcissistic personality disorder. Merriam-Webster defined what empathy means. It is “the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else's feelings.” People who can’t relate, or choose not to identify the affliction or pain of others do lack empathy. If early childhood is an indicator why adults lack empathy, then it is a parent’s job is to do the best to instill the correct values. Putting yourself in another’s shoes is the best way to develop caring feelings. Greater Good Science Center at the University of California found that kids "by age four move beyond making physical caring gestures and start to think about others' feelings in relation to their own. Many of these responses happen naturally, but you can make a more conscious effort to promote empathy-boosting experiences for your children.” Some kids are born with a natural feeling of empathy, while others need to be taught. Here is a look at four tips in raising an empathetic child.

Practicing

When a child does something like ask if a person is feeling sick, or if they can help with a task that helps another, give them positive reinforcement. Praise them if they do an unselfish kind act, or they show signs of remorse. Practice giving compliments to others and validate when they receive a kind word to teach how good it feels to be good to another. Parents.com recommends to acknowledge kindness of others as this will teach children to do the same: “When you watch your daughter [or son] offering a playmate some apple slices, call attention to it by saying 'That was very kind of you to give her a few when you didn't have very many,’ or you can say ‘I'll bet she was a little envious that you brought a snack to the park when she didn't. How do you think it made your friend feel when you shared with her?'"

Give Perspective

Help your children to help people outside the family and close friends. This can include getting involved with charities and volunteering to help others. This is called zooming in and zooming out, New York Times contributor Jessica Lahey pointed out. “It’s not hard for kids to empathize with their immediate family and close friends, but it can be a real challenge to understand and feel for people outside of that circle. You can help your child expand their circle by listening carefully to a particular person and then pulling back to take in multiple perspectives. Encourage your child to talk about and speculate on the feelings of people who are particularly vulnerable or in need. Talk about how those people could be helped and comforted.” Another lesson gleaned from this can be teaching gratitude for what they have and to appreciate shelter, food, warmth, and a loving family. Gratitude is a wonderful gateway to teach empathy and empathy skills. Additionally, getting them into the practice of sending thank-you notes also boosts gratitude skills during the formative years.

Ethics

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Make time to discuss ethics with children and the challenges that arise in life such as should they invite everyone over for a sleepover, except the new kid? Ask them how they would feel if they were left out? Making time to discuss decisions like this will prepare them how to act and empathize with others. Parents set the tone for teaching ethics and morals. Children are more willingly to follow a parent who exercises a solid moral code. “Speaking frequently to your child about values is called direct moral teaching,” said parenting expert and author Dr. Michele Borba. “Parents who raise ethical kids use it often. Look for moral issues and talk about them as they come up: from TV shows and news events to situations at home, school, and friends. Tell your kids how you feel about the issue and why. Share examples of morally courageous heroes such as Rosa Parks, Pee Wee Reese, Harriet Tubman, Abe Lincoln. There are wonderful books and videos in your local library that you can also share with your child.” Using examples of those who stood up against wrongs will help your kid’s moral compass, and teach sensitivity. You choose how you want to mold a child, and prepare them for the world. Give them a sense of direction and knowledge regarding values of the family and values of others.

Family Time

Hold family meetings to deal with conflict and challenges. Meetings will help open up communication, give children an opportunity to offer their thoughts and feelings. Listening to their views will encourage them to hear from other family members. Showing respect during this time will help kids understand how to listen and learn how to respect each other. “Ask children about conflicts at school and help them reflect on their classmates’ experiences. If another child is unpopular or having social problems, talk about how that child may be feeling about the situation, and ask your child how he or she may be able help,” Lahey continued. Meetings don’t have to be called to resolve conflict-- it can be used as a vehicle to bring everyone together. Setting time together will allow children to see they have support from the family unit. This builds confidence, and opportunities to observe the interactions of others.