I'm engaged to a man I've been with for almost four years now. We plan to marry next year. We get along very well, and I do love him, but I feel like there's something missing in our relationship. At first I thought it was pre-wedding jitters or my fear of commitment. But now I'm wondering if God is trying to tell me that I shouldn't marry him. I'm scared because my parents are divorced, and I don't want to end up like that. Please help me, if you can. I need some peace of mind.
-Runaway Bride
Dear Bride,
Let me tell you something no one bothered to tell me before marrying. There will always be something missing in your love relationship. What you've got to figure out is what's missing; and, once you've figured that out, whether you can live without whatever is missing. You must decide what in a relationship you can live without and what you absolutely can't.
With that said, if you're feeling anxious about marrying a man you've been with for four years, it's probably best that you take the initiative to make an appointment with a counselor to explore what's going on inside of you. If your fiancé loves you and wants to see your marriage begin on the surest footing, he'll understand and give you the time you need to explore your feelings.
Whether your fears stem from childhood memories of your parents' marriage and subsequent divorce, or whether there's something you're not facing in yourself and about your mate, the fact remains that you owe it to yourself to poke around in your heart before marrying and figure out what's causing these unsettled feelings.
You can be sure that what you discover in counseling about yourself, about your fiancé, about love, and about marriage is what God has been trying to get you to face all along. The rest-including your final decision about whether or not to get married-God leaves up to you.
Blessings,
Renita
