4 Ways to Handle a Relationship When You Have a Different Faith

The world is getting more and more diverse. People of all ethnicities are living together, marrying and having children. Thousands of people are of such mixed ancestry that they do not even know what ethnicity to claim as their own. Social classes and genders mix with increasing frequency, and sexual orientation does not act as the barrier it once did. Religions are also mixing. Thousands of people come from interfaith families, and religious ideas are increasingly shared. A century ago, Catholics would not have taken yoga classes or greeted each other with “Namaste.” Hindus would not have given Christmas gifts to their friends, Buddhists would not have engaged in Easter egg hunts and Neopagans would not have specifically scheduled their dinner plans for after sunset so their Muslim friend could still come during Ramadan. Instead, the mixings of faiths are common today.

An interfaith romance, however, can be something of a different animal. There are endless opportunities for confusion, hurt feelings and irritation. Both people in an interfaith relationship have a set of unconscious assumptions that they may have never articulated. That does not mean, however, that interfaith relationships are doomed. They simply require a little more work than other relationships. Here are four ways to handle a relationship when you have a different faith.

Patience

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An interfaith relationship is going to have difficult moments. There will be times when you are struggling to articulate something you have always taken for granted is understood. A Muslim may struggle to explain to an atheist why dinner has to wait until after sundown during Ramadan, no, we can’t just make this one exception! A Christian may be baffled why their Neopagan boyfriend insists on leaving feathers, stones and candles set up on the coffee table, and a Hindu may not understand why their Jewish girlfriend refuses to cook beef stew and cheesy pasta in the same pan. These moments will lead to irritation, annoyance, and eventually someone is going to put their foot in their mouth. Be patient, and be willing to explain things two or three times. Remember, your beliefs sound just as strange to your significant other as theirs do to you. Do not expect them to understand perfectly the first time.

Humor

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Few things can redeem an uncomfortable evening or release tension like laughter. So, when someone gets confused or does something wrong, let yourself laugh. If you are Catholic and your Buddhist boyfriend puts ash on their face on Ash Wednesday, thank them for the gesture but let yourself laugh at how ridiculous they look covered in soot. If you are Muslim, allow yourself to snicker when your girlfriend tries to wear a hijab to meet your parents and ends up getting tangled in the scarf.

Understand that your significant other is trying to get things right. They do not perfectly understand your religion, but they are trying to honor your beliefs and take part when they can. Do not get offended because they failed to do something correctly or did not understand that they cannot take part in a ritual since they are not of the faith. Instead of getting angry, find the humor in the situation. If you go into an interfaith relationship with a chip on your shoulder, the relationship is already doomed.

Curiosity

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Your significant other may not even know what all you do not know. They may think you understand what they are talking about when they compare something to the Wiccan Rede, but you may have no idea what they are talking about. A Buddhist may not even think to explain the idea dharma to a Jew because it is so basic and instinctively understood by the Buddhist. It is reasonable to expect your significant other to answer questions, but you have to do some of the work.

When you enter an interfaith relationship, do your research. If you are dating a Muslim, read the Quran. If you get involved with a Neopagan, read up on magick. Check your sources and, if possible, find things written by religious insiders. Hinduism facts written by Hindus are much more reliable than those found on “bibleboys.com.” Insider information will also help you avoid accidental stereotyping. Your Hindu girlfriend may not have ever taken a yoga class, and a Buddhist boyfriend may hate meditating.

Respect

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All relationships must be built on mutual respect. Interfaith relationships can push this to the limits especially when the honeymoon phase wears off. Depending on the two religions mixing, there may not be a lot of overlap, or the religions may have places of contradiction. Many Christian denominations condemn divination and polytheism. Both of these, however, are central to many Neopagans’ practices. Muslims are wary of anything that could be construed as making idols. Hindus cheerfully fill home shrines with statues and paintings of the deities.

In an interfaith relationship, there will be a time when the two faiths clash. It may be over something minor, or it may be over something major. At that point, you have a decision to make. You can walk away, or you can find a way to make the relationship work. This might mean that, as a Christian, you have to tolerate a shine to Shiva living in the china cabinet. It could also mean that, as a Neopagan, you simply accept that you have to either learn what being Kosher truly means or relinquish grocery shopping and cooking duties. In these cases, you have to respect that the practices that seem so strange to you are deeply important to your significant other. You need to respect their wishes, and yes, that might mean living with bird feathers on the coffee table, eating breakfast before the sun is up during Ramadan or “saying goodnight” to Vishnu before bed.