“Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus,” or so the old phrase goes. While men and women are not quite as different as that, there is no doubt that they are very different. As such, the two sexes can confuse each other. Anyone who has ever walked through a bar has undoubtedly heard men complaining that women are crazy and women saying that men are morons. 

The inevitable confusion between the two genders has been played for laughs in comedies for centuries, but it is not very funny when it takes place in a personal relationship. That confusion, however, cannot be cleared up without someone reaching out to communicate. Unfortunately, there are some things that people are reluctant to say or for which they are reluctant to ask. Here are six things every woman wishes she could tell her man.

“Compliment me on something besides my appearance.”

Women like compliments. That is not news to just about any man on Earth, and a man’s go-to when complimenting a woman is her appearance. Women, naturally, like to be told they look beautiful. That said, most women want to know that their significant other values something besides their external appearance. They want to know that their partner is impressed by their intelligence, work ethic, ambition or independence. That does not mean that they want their man to stop taking note of their looks when they spent a little extra time getting ready, but they want to know that their partner sees that they are more than a pretty face. Also, when being complimented on their appearance, specifics would be lovely. “You’re beautiful,” is nice to hear, but it can be a nice change of pace for someone to comment on how shiny a woman’s hair looks or how their eyes are stunning. Specifics make it clear that the compliment is not a throwaway line but something that their significant other actually noticed, and it gives women welcome feedback as to what to do the next time they feel like impressing their partner.

“I want more physical affection that does not lead to sex.”

Testosterone is closely linked to sex drive, so it is no surprise that men tend to have higher sex drives than women. This usually means that men are almost always up for sex. Unfortunately, this can mean that any and all physical affection can start trending in a sexual direction. Men see this as normal, but women often crave physical affection that has nothing to do with sex and will not lead to the bedroom. They want to cuddle on the couch or have their man hug them from behind without him maneuvering in for a deep kiss or backing away when it becomes clear that sex is not on her mind. Women enjoy sexual affection from their partners, but they want simple physical comfort as well.

“Quit teasing me about making you kill the spider.”

Very few women today move straight from their father’s house into their husband’s home. Instead, almost all of them live alone for at least a few years. During those times, every woman inevitably squashed or sprayed her fair share of spiders, centipedes, silverfish, cockroaches and whatever nasty creepy-crawlies snuck into her space. She may well have removed her own rats and even scorpions or snakes depending on where she lived. The fact that she wants her man to come squash the nasty critter with too many legs does not mean that she is incapable of doing so. In the same way that men often subconsciously expect women to handle cleaning the house, women often prefer men to come squash the spiders. Part of it is practical. Men have a longer reach so they can kill things higher on the walls, and men are heavier, so they are more likely to actually manage to crush the cockroach when it tries to scuttle away. Part of it is also simply that men are willing to do it, so women prefer to avoid the duty. That said, stop assuming that she cannot do it or acting as if she cannot. She killed her fair share of pests in the past. She is simply enjoying that she no longer has to take care of it personally, just like her man likely enjoys that he is no longer cleaning his own bathroom.

“Don’t let the romance die.”

When a man is attempting to woo a woman or the two of them have just become an item, he usually makes a variety of romantic gestures. These can range from giving a woman flowers to making it a point to dress up especially nicely for a date. The longer the couple is together, though, the more likely it is that the romancing will fade. Admittedly, it is much easier to buy someone roses after spending all day thinking about them than after spending the morning fighting over whether the dirty laundry goes into the hamper or straight in the washing machine, but many women wish that their man would not let those romantic gestures fade. Many men become less worried about putting their best foot forward once they have won a woman’s heart, but she would love it if her man would bring the romance back.

“Stop whining about helping around the house.”

The stereotype of men refusing to help out at home is just that, a stereotype. There are many men who are perfectly willing to do their fair share of housework, but the stereotype persists because there are far too many men who feel that they should not need to work anymore after leaving the office. Women would prefer not to need to clean the house after working all day either, but unfortunately, the house will not clean itself. There is also little more frustrating than having one’s partner complain about being asked to take out the trash when the other person is elbows deep in dirty dishes. No one likes cleaning. That does not mean it does not need to get done, and no, a hangnail is not an excuse for avoiding housework. It might mean that cleaning the toilets is a bad idea, but it will not stop a person from emptying the dishwasher or putting the laundry in the machine.

“Sweat the small stuff.”

People often say that those in relationships should not sweat the small stuff, but this can actually be terrible advice. People should not expect their partner to be perfect, but that does not give the other person an excuse to ignore their significant other’s requests or concerns simply because they feel so minor. It may not be a big deal to him if he leaves his dirty socks on the floor, but if he keeps doing it when she has repeatedly asked him not to, the socks become a much bigger issue than a bit of dirty laundry. She begins to feel that he is not listening or worse, that he simply does not care enough about what she has said to remember it or act on it. What was a small irritation over a bit of sweaty laundry has grown to become the sort of problem that could threaten the stability of the entire relationship. So yes, the small stuff does matter.

Most people are somewhat uncomfortable admitting that they want something else out of their relationship, but if no one ever speaks up, no one will ever know what is wrong. Communication is the key for a happy relationship, and that includes both parties asking for what they really, truly want.