7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

We all want a lifetime of love, support, and faith but sometimes we need a little help. Many of us want to create strong, secure relationships but this isn’t always easy. Relationships can take a lot of effort. A thriving, healthy relationship requires some give and take, but is absolutely within your reach if you and your partner are willing to do the work. Communication is a key part of building strong relationships and can either make or break the success of your relationship so having the right conversations are imperative to making things work. If you are looking to enrich your relationship, invigorate a tired one, or rescue one that’s spiraled out of control, here are seven conversations you must have. You can improve your relationship today, right now, by having these conversations.

What does love look like to you?

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Throughout our lives, we compile a picture of what we think real love should like. As we grow older, we often imagine finding a soul-mate, that perfect person who we were destined to spend the rest of our lives with. The trouble is that the reality of love is not quite as simple as the fantasy picture we create in our heads. Love isn’t generic. It’s not a one size fits all. Love looks different to different people and is expressed in different ways. It’s important that you know what your partner’s definition of love is and that you honor their views. Your ultimate expression of adoration may not be the same for your partner and that’s ok. Understand the love language they speak.

How do you deal with conflict?

Conflict is a word that often incites fear. Yet, all relationships have it. Maybe you or your partner gets loud and excitable when you fight but it’s part of how you deal with conflict in your family, so the fight burns bright. But as soon as it’s over, it’s forgotten. Or maybe you and your partner get quiet or become closed off when you get angry and neither one of you realizes it’s a danger zone. It’s important to talk about how you deal with conflict. It’s not the conflicts that cause problems in relationships – they’re inevitable. It’s how two people deal with conflict that can make or break the relationship. This requires a level of self-awareness. If you know there’s something that you say that really gets your partner’s blood boiling, choose to not take it there when arguments arise. If you don’t, you will run into conflict again and again.

What is the biggest threat to your sense of security in our relationship?

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Let’s face it, we all have raw spots. We’ve all been wounded and these wounds leave scars. It’s important that you and your partner know each other’s sore spots. Has past infidelity made your significant other super-sensitive to what he or she perceives as flirtatiousness? Has a past bankruptcy made full financial disclosure a must? Has an overbearing ex made your partner wary of attempts to get closer? The problems that most couples meet show up because they tend not to have these conversations. If your relationship is going great, but you still find yourself not feeling secure enough to trust your partner completely, it’s imperative that you find that security. It takes work, but when you’re able to get there, you will be rewarded with a great deal of happiness and joy.

How can we support each other?

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Encouraging your partner is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship. To do this, it’s important to look at the positive in your partner, develop a sense of humor and give honest praise. Let them know what you appreciate about them. Also, schedule time for your relationship to come first. Don’t allow your relationship to become an afterthought. Start by doing a calendar review. If your job, overcommitted friends or visits with parents or extended family members gets in the way of time with your partner, your relationship will have problems. When you make your relationship a high priority, it will grow.

Is it good for our relationship?

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When it comes to any important decision in your relationship, don’t just talk about whether it’s good for you or your spouse. Make it a point to talk about and think about whether it’s good for your relationship and avoid situations that could be toxic and harmful. If you stop and ponder it, the answer will generally come intuitively. This may come down to how much time something will take away from your time together, whether it will make things stressful between you, or if it involves people who in some way threaten your relationship (lunch with your ex is a great example of this). If you don’t even want to ask this question, that’s a red flag.

What do you see in your future?

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You want to address the big questions when you feel you have a good sense that things are getting more serious for both of you. You don’t need to wait until the relationship is already serious but you don’t want it to show up right after the first date either. When you can tell the relationship is progressing, it’s probably a good time to bring up the future. This is a conversation you don’t need to force. Instead, let it happen naturally. For example, you may be interested in how many kids your partner wants. When you hear about his or her siblings and you learn that he or she comes from a big family, you might ask something like, ‘Do you enjoy being in a big family?’ The more effortlessly you can allow information to come out as part of your normal conversation, the less pressure your partner will feel.