7 Things Only People in Committed Relationships Understand

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Casual flings and fiery dates are one thing, but committed relationships are a different beast, entirely. Those who haven’t yet been in a long-term relationship just can’t understand what it’s like to grow so comfortable with someone that you can be your true self.

Our culture tends to poke fun at committed relationships. From the outside, they can sometimes look like smoldering coals compared with the raging fires of a band-new hookup, but make no mistake—these relationships are just as great.

But it’s no wonder that many people don’t understand the intricacies of this kind of relationship. The change from casual to committed is enormous. This kind of couple may not be gripped in the rush and lust of the new, but at the same time, they have something even better. Each of them has the peace of knowing that they are wholly accepted by their partner. They’ve revealed who they are and have been accepted for it—imperfections and all.

We all stand to be better partners when by learning from people in this kind of relationship. If you’re interested in a little long-term-relationship wisdom, take a look at these 7 things only people in committed relationships understand.

You Get to Drop the Pretense

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Think of your average first date. You spend hours getting ready, selecting the best clothes, using special grooming products, and obsessing over every detail of your appearance. After all, you want to make a great first-impression so that your date will be interested in you long enough to get to know how great you are on the inside.

But people in committed relationships are masters of knowing one another deeply. As the years go by, these couples get to know absolutely everything about one another, and if they’ve stayed together this long, they’ve accepted these things, both good and bad.

That means that committed couples get to drop the pretense. They don’t have to constantly apply a thick layer of metaphorical makeup to their lives. They’re comfortable enough with one another that they wear those baggy, unflattering sweatpants around the house or play their weird music while dancing around even more weirdly.

But that doesn’t mean that they don’t put in the work to look great for one another. Successful long-term couples still get dressed up, go on dates, and look as sexy as ever for one another.

Every relationship needs both of these modes—comfort and class. Bring both to your relationship to take things to the next level.

Even the Most Benign Habit Can Get Irritating

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Think his habit of splashing water everywhere when he uses the sink is cute? Do you consider the way she leaves a trail of old socks across floor to be endearing?

You won’t for long.

The aura of new love can cloud your vision at the beginning of a new relationship. Things that might normally get on your nerves can seem downright adorable. “I’ll never get tired of that,” you’ll think.

Except that you do. But this is one thing that committed couples definitely understand best.

Anything that even slightly offends you at the onset of a relationship is going to really get under your skin after a few years, when the shine of the relationship wears off and things get real.

But that’s okay, because people in committed relationships know something else about this issue: it’s okay to voice your displeasure. Just because a couple is comfortable with one another doesn’t mean that they put up with behaviors that cause them unhappiness.

That means respectfully and kindly calling out the splashing and sock-leaving. Communication is key in any relationship, but especially in a long-lasting one. Realizing that your partner has flaws, but that it’s okay to discuss these flaws is a vital piece of wisdom that will improve your own love-life.

Couples Develop Their Own Language

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Give any couple enough time and intimacy, and they’ll develop their own language. The secret to this lies in a lifetime of shared experiences.

Successful, committed couples do things together. They explore the world, meet new people, watch movies, and so much more. Over time, they gain the ability to references these memories, experiences, and inside jokes with a single word or significant look—they’ve created their own couple-language.

But this language is only the surface of a vital piece of relationship advice. Conversations thrive on commonalities, and committed couples show us just how important shared experiences are for a healthy relationship. Great memories make for great talk, and so making sure that you’re really sharing your life and experiences with your significant other is incredibly important.

In our busy and hectic world, don’t forget to experience the world with your partner. The best committed couples will attest to the power of fully sharing a life.

There Are No Secrets Anymore

Remember the days when you kept things from your partner, for fear that they’d make things worse? Perhaps you hid a debt, health problem, or addiction. Maybe it was something a bit less important, but still embarrassing, like a bad case of smelly feet or an intense fear of math.

People in successful, committed relationships know that all secrets—big and small—eventually come out over time.

Think about it. You spend most of your free time with your partner, and when the years begin to add up, the chance of your secrets being accidently uncovered are nearly 100 percent. You can’t hide anything forever.

For those of you who are just beginning your relational journey, take heed of this. Secrets, whether significant or merely embarrassing, are best disclosed early. The last thing you want is to have something big and potentially deal-breaking revealed just before marriage—or worse, just after.

Committed couples know that everything eventually comes to light. Do yourself a favor and defuse those secrets before they detonate at the most inopportune time.

Your Partner Comes First

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Friends come and go throughout your life, but committed couples know that a wonderful, committed partner is more valuable than a thousand acquaintances.

Now, let’s get something straight. No one is everything to their partner, and friends are a vital part of anyone’s support system. They’re needed—there’s no question about that.

But what is in question is who comes first when a conflict of interest occurs. People who are still on the lower rungs of the dating game haven’t yet invested a lot of time, effort, and heart into their partners—their friends may still take precedence. But a committed couple knows each other’s’ value.

Your partner is, if you remember, the person you trust most in the world. He or she is the person around whom you are most comfortable and most at peace. Their good comes before all lesser relationships.

Take this one bit of committed-relationship wisdom to heart. Put your partner first, and you’ll stop that chain of broken relationships.

Love Takes Many Forms

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Lust burns brightly, but dies out quickly. It is the slow-burning flame that lasts the night.

This is one of the most important lessons that committed couples have to teach us—it’s the reason their relationships last while others don’t.

When a couple is newly intertwined, everything is dictated by chemistry which results in choices. In a long-term relationship, everything is driven by choices which result in chemistry.

Let that sink in.

Love changes over the course of a relationship, with intense feelings of sexual attraction and the almost-drunken feeling of love dominating at the beginning. But committed couples know that these feelings rise and fall throughout a relationship.

Only one thing truly remains steady—friendship. While a couple may experience fluctuations in sexual attraction and romantic love, that bedrock of friendship, if cultivated early on, will always remain steady.

And those more fiery parts of a relationship? Those can always be cultivated by making the choice to love, please, and romance your partner.

Don’t run away from a great relationship when feelings fluctuate. If you’ve got a keeper, stick to them, and you’ll find that those emotions come right back with time.

Relationships Are Sometimes a Challenge

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When the dating game starts, relationships seem easy. While there might be significant preparation and presentation involved in new relationships, the actual interaction is easy, the attraction is strong, and because of those crazy-in-love romantic feelings, pleasing your partner is easy. You’re veritably driven to be a great couple.

But when that initial rush wears off, things get harder. It’s not as easy to keep trying when the annoyances creep in or compromises have to be made.

Committed couples, however, know all about these challenges. They know that compromise must occur for a relationship to keep moving forward. They know that it’s sometimes hard to be emotionally vulnerable. They know that expectations won’t always be met.

Above all, they know that you have to continually work at a relationship. But even more importantly, they know this work is more than worth the trouble.

This is what takes a relationship from casual to committed. This is what makes a fling into long-term love. Committed couples know that creating new experiences, making intimacy important, and working hard to always respect one another are vital to a relationship’s health, and that you shouldn’t just give up as soon as things get rocky.

Take that advice, and you’ll find your own committed relationship.