7 Ways to Keep Yourself From Saying Something You’ll Regret

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Everyone has had moments where they said something that they immediately wished they could take back. Those moments are terrible. A soon as you realize what you said, you feel about three inches tall. You want to go back in time and smack yourself or at least cover your own mouth so that you cannot let something so hurtful or stupid leave your lips. Unfortunately, no one has invented a time machine yet, so you cannot go back and undo your mistake. Instead, you have to live with the consequences of letting your temper or your hurt feelings run away with your mouth.

Everyone has lashed out at least once. The key, however, is to make sure you do so as little as possible. You should try to avoid ever lashing out in anger or hurt again. You will likely fail, but there are methods to limit your likelihood of kicking yourself for saying something cruel. Here are seven ways to keep yourself from saying something you will regret later.

How important is “winning” really?

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Once you start arguing with someone, pride and stubbornness usually kick in. You are no longer disagreeing with a friend, you are arguing with an opponent. You are in a fight, and you want to win. This can lead you to start taking shots below the belt or blind you to the fact that the person you are facing down is a friend or family member. If you want to keep yourself from saying something that you will come to regret, ask yourself how important it really is that you win this argument. What matters more to you, avoiding lashing out at a coworker that you have to see and work with every day or winning a debate about whether or not a group of men in tight pants and jerseys cheated when they ran a ball across a field? In reality, most arguments really are not worth hurting someone.

Walk away before it becomes a fight in the first place.

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Once you start fighting with someone, it can be difficult to walk away. Your pride keeps you from wanting to seem like you are giving up or running away. You believe you are right, so you do not want to appear as if you are backing down because you agree with the other person’s argument. You do not want to seem like a coward or have someone else think that you are easily cowed. As such, you continue to fight even when the fight no longer is worth the energy or potential consequences. It is in those situations, with tempers running high and personal pride on the line, that people tend to say stupid things they later regret. As such, one of your best options is to walk away before it turns into a fight in the first place. When someone starts on a topic that you are passionate about, request a change of subject. If they insist on continuing to espouse an opinion you are vehemently opposed to, tell them you disagree but do not want to have an argument about this. Then, either change the subject yourself or walk away. It may seem like running away sometimes, but there are times when discretion is the better part of valor.

Get an external conscience.

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Everyone has that one family member, coworker or friend who insists on airing deeply impassioned and highly controversial opinions in places where they know that someone will disagree with them but where an argument over hot button issues is not appropriate. Despite that, they want to debate abortion, gay marriage, the existence of God, morality or any other potentially inflammatory topic at the company Christmas party, Thanksgiving with the in-laws or at a child’s birthday party. Normally, it is best to avoid these people entirely. That said, you cannot always escape your tactless aunt or that coworker who is always looking to pick a fight. If you know you are going to be trapped somewhere with someone who is determined to push your buttons, ask a friend or family member who will also be there to serve as your conscience. They can run interference, pull you away from a potential argument or help you calm down when things start to get heated. It can make for an exhausting night for them, but if they are willing, it is better than you and your infuriating brother-in-law getting into a shouting match at your nephew’s birthday party. Just be prepared to return the favor at a later date.

Practice your responses beforehand.

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Most people have probably imagined how an argument could go or should have gone. You stand in the shower and come up with stinging retorts and snappy comebacks for a debate that ended hours ago. You think about what you want to say to your uncle when he starts in on political debates at the family reunion and how to make him see that his arguments are flawed. You practice your best unimpressed look in the mirror while you brush your teeth. These things may sound ridiculous, but they can actually help you keep from shoving your foot in your mouth in public. Visualization has been shown to help people handle the real event. Whether this is an athlete visualizing their next race or a man preparing to face down his infuriating in-laws is irrelevant. Visualization helps. Having “practiced” the argument in advance will help you stay calm since you will feel like you have already experienced the event. Having thought out your answers in advance will also help you remain calm and reasonable instead of giving into your emotions. It will increase your confidence as well which will also help you stay calm or potentially even convince the other person to pick a fight with someone else.

Recognize when someone is trying to pick a fight.

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Unfortunately, there are those people who are never happy unless they are unhappy about something. They go out of their way to find a socially conservative Catholic and then start talking loudly about how abortion should be free for everyone regardless of the stage of pregnancy. They look for members of a police officer’s family and then rant about how cops are evil killers. They find their coworkers who are openly religious and begin bombarding them with atheist theology. Many of them think that they are enlightened, but they are childish and cruel, the real life version of internet trolls. Learning to recognize these people can save you a lot of grief later. You can have as many reasonable arguments as you want, but you are wasting your breath. They have no interest in learning about your opinion. They want to feel self-righteous and powerful by belittling and picking a fight with you. You could be as calm as a cucumber, but they will find a way to get under your skin, usually through insults, false facts and aggressive postures and tones. As soon as you engage them, you lose. Learn to recognize them, so that you can walk away before they can try and draw you into a pointless fight.

Limit the stress in your life.

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When you are stressed, you have a shorter fuse. This is not news to anyone who has ever had a terrible week at work and then had a friend make a teasing remark. You blow up like Krakatoa, and everyone around you is left asking, “What on earth is his problem?” When you are stressed or tired, everything seems like a bigger deal. Small issues become dramatic conflicts. Minor disagreements turn into screaming matches. Little things that go wrong turn into the sky falling down around your ears. If you want to keep yourself from saying things you will regret, keep the stress in your life to a minimum and get plenty of sleep. That way, you will have a longer fuse during the day and be able to better tell if someone is trying to do some friendly teasing or is actually being a jerk.

Practice using humorous insults.

Most people get themselves in trouble when they shoot off their mouth and insult someone that they did not actually want to debate. They feel like they are losing an argument, are hurt by a previous comment or simply done with another person being a jerk, so they drop some insults or swear words. This, of course, does nothing but escalate the situation. Unfortunately, it can be very easy to start throwing out four letter words without thinking about it. To avoid this, practice using humorous insults in daily life. That way, when you go to tell your coworker exactly what you think of them, you will end up declaring that they are a “cranberry toffee lover” rather than a series of invectives involving their mother. You will get the anger off your chest through the insult, and they will be completely thrown for a loop. The inherent humor might defuse the situation or at least baffle the other person enough for you to calm down. If you are unsure about how to come up with creatively humorous insults, go trawling the internet. It is awash in ridiculous pseudo-curse phrases that you can borrow that range from obscure movie references to ice cream inspired insults.