7 Ways to Spot A Phony on an Online Dating Site

No Real Identity

Do they have a realistic amount of digital puzzle pieces that, when followed, piece together a real person? Almost everyone in the United States has some sort of Internet presence that when pieced together creates a real identity. It is very rare that someone would have no Internet presence at all. If you do basic research, such as conducting a search using a portal such as Spokeo.com or looking through social media sites, and can't find anything about a person, that is a red flag. Even most social media sites that allow strict privacy settings will at least show you the first page of a person's profile. Most professionals will at least have a LinkedIn page. If you cannot find anything on the Internet about a person, they might not be telling you their real name, which is again a red flag.

Real Time Photos

When people are communicating online, they will frequently send each other photos in real time. During a conversation, ask to see a photo of the person right then. If they refuse, or make some excuse, that is a red flag. If they have only sent you one or two photos, it is likely that they took that photo from someone else's social media page or from somewhere else on the Internet. Do an easy Google Image search on a photo and see if it pops up on someone else's social media account or elsewhere online. Recently, Notre Dame football star Manti Te'o was catfished by a 22 year old man named Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, who claimed to be Lennay Kekua, a 23 year old woman. Tuiasosopo even sent a photo of a beautiful girl who was purported to be Kekua. Eventually, a photo search revealed that the photo had been lifted from the social media site of an unwitting 22 year old woman named Diane O'Meara. We don't know the substance of the online communication between Te'o and "Kekua," but most likely she was not able to send real time, on demand photos because they didn't exist.

Other Online Conversations

Do they have regular banter with other people on their sites and appear to have "real" friends and work colleagues? You can get to know who a person's close friends are based on the banter they engage in with others on social media. Friends who typically just occasionally "like" a person's posts but do not have frequent, regular banter with them are most likely just acquaintances. But friends who appear in photos or tag people regularly are probably closer friends. Does the person seem to have real friends who have inside jokes and carry on conversations? Do they tag them? Or do they just have a few "place holder" friends who they don't appear to actually know that well? On LinkedIn, do they have colleagues who have endorsed them or just some connections? If you find that a person's friends don't seem close or real, consider reaching out to their social media friends and asking if they know them.

Story Matches Up

If someone is pretending to be someone they're not, they will have a difficult time keeping their fake persona different from their real life. It is impossible to be someone else 100 percent of the time and they will likely let their guard down on occasion. Sometimes things will accidentally slip out and each one of those slips is a red flag. For example, if the person you are talking to claims to have no siblings but accidentally makes a comment about their sister, take notice. If they claim to live in Sarasota, Florida during the winter but make an offhand comment about being sore from shoveling snow, take notice. That is the real person accidentally slipping out.

Of course, not everyone is out to scam you. There are plenty of legitimate daters on these sites. We all know perfectly happy people who have met online. The intention is not to question everyone and everything to the point where you become so guarded or paranoid that you never put yourself out there, but to remember the seven tips and be cautious. Be the fish that got away.