7 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

Shutterstock.com

In case you didn’t already know, everyone is flawed. That’s how God created us. There is no perfect human being. We are meant to learn from our flaws and utilize those elements as a way to nurture growth – individually and collectively.

That’s why relationships are so difficult. An individual must be able to own their identify before they can engage in any successful relationship. Friends, co-workers, and couples should exist as individuals before they can coexist in a healthy relationship. Oftentimes, the looming question is how does an individual stop feeling insecure in their relationships? The resolution sounds simple, but the logistics involved are quite complicated. You must work on yourself.

Dr. Phil says it best, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. You teach people how to treat you.” It’s not going to be simple but that’s okay. The work you put in will be continuous, challenging, intriguing, and detouring. In the end it will be worth it because you will stop feeling insecure in your relationships. Let’s check out the steps.

Step 1: Build Your Self-Esteem

Shutterstock.com

There is no nice way to say it. Insecurities suck! Not only are they hard to get rid of, but they have a tendency of showing up when you least expect it. Building your self-esteem will be an ongoing task which includes a variety of methods. Surround yourself with positive people. If you have friends that bring you down, ditch them. Adopt positive affirmations and practice reciting them daily.

Educate yourself by reading. Look into self-development books that provide inspirational content that nurture your heart. Lastly, play the part and invest in yourself. Consider a new haircut, new clothes or that yoga membership you’ve been on the fence about. Take the necessary steps to making yourself feel good. If the person looking back at you in the mirror is someone you’re happy with, then your investments are paying off.

Step 2: identify the Roots of Your Insecurities

Shutterstock.com

Why are you feeling insecure? Did you experience bullying as a child? Are you a survivor of an abusive relationship? Have you had issues dealing with grief? Be honest and vulnerable. Write down the reasons why you are insecure and brainstorm a solution. The resolution could be joining a small group at church, seeking out the help from a counselor, or dealing with family rifts.

Once you know what is causing your issues, you’ll be closer to finding a real solution. If you are having problems confronting your skeletons, think about taking time for yourself. This might look like a designated time to walk and meditate, a vacation, or maybe quiet time from your normal daily grind.

Stop making excuses and be proactive – otherwise you’ll continue to be miserable and have failed relationships.

Step 3: Trust Your Relationship

Shutterstock.com

Trust doesn’t only mean sharing your deepest secrets with your partner or friend. Trust in a relationship is curated from several things. It means knowing that your friend will be there when you need to talk. It means no betrayal. It means being emotionally and physically present in each other’s lives.

But the catch is trust is not built in a day, a week, month or year. It’s continuous. It will be necessary for you to step out on the plank, but that’s okay because it’s part of the process. Speak up for yourself and your relationship. Did you dislike the way your friend reacted to your decision? Tell them. Have a conversation about your opposition. Did you wish your spouse would’ve shown more empathy to your bad day? Express that in a healthy way. Take the time to voice your concerns. These actions will produce trust and allow you to feel more secure with your relationships. Trust is a foundational building block for every relationship.

Step 4: Quit Overthinking

Shutterstock.com

Do yourself a favor and get out of your own head! Not everything is about you. If your husband wants to hang out with his friends versus going to see a movie, it’s not the end of the world. If your friend didn’t respond to your text immediately, don’t assume it’s because they’re ignoring you.

Stop imagining the worst and move on with your time. Two major elements of every relationship are trust and communication. If you do not possess either of those components, within your identify and your relationship, you should consider a serious assessment as to why those things do not exist.

When you are left overthinking try occupying your mind with something else – go for a walk, read a book, catch up on your Netflix cue, cook, or clean. Get creative, there are a number of other things you can do.

Step 5: Give Your Friend or Partner Space

Shutterstock.com

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Guess what? It’s completely true. Now do not confuse my explanation. Yes, you should be proactive and make time for your relationship but that doesn’t mean you have to spend every moment with the other person. You must be an individual outside of your relationships.

It’s healthy to have a variety of friends. It’s okay to hang out with everyone. In a marriage or committed relationship, it’s good for partners to have their own hobbies. It’s not healthy to do everything together. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much time together.

Step 6: Let Go of the Past

Shutterstock.com

Do you hold onto the past? Perhaps you say that you’ve let it go or forgiven someone, but in all actuality, you are constantly referencing and comparing your current relationship to a former one. If you’re guilty of this, then you’re also guilty of self-sabotage.

According to Johns Hopkins, forgiveness can effect your mental health. Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can lower the risk of heart attack, improve cholesterol levels, promote better sleep, lower anxiety levels, and promote a better immune system.

Not only will letting go of the past promote better individual health, but it will also improve your relationship’s health. Need additional help letting go? Try journaling, scheduling regular check-ins with your friend or partner, therapy, prayer, or finding a hobby that makes you happy.

Step 7: Stop Avoiding Communication

Shutterstock.com

Brene Brown recommends adopting vulnerability within your communications. Her studies have proven that vulnerability produces courage. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

Having open lines of communication is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship. Voice your concerns – otherwise, no one will know how you really feel. Talking will be a process and everyone processes information a different way. Be willing to hear the other person and take their opinions into consideration. In many cases, we assume that we know what the other person is thinking but the reality is we do not.

Moreover, take the ambiguity out of the equation and talk on the phone or face-to-face. Do not text message or email someone and count that as communicating because it is not. You’re in a relationship, treat the other person how you would like to be treated. The more you communicate, the less insecure you will feel about relationship because you will both be on the same page.