7 Ways to Woo a Christian Man

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Dating within the Christian faith, especially when those relationships begin within the church, can feel, at times, artificial, like a memorized dance, as if you’re doing the Hokey Pokey over and over.

You put your right hand in, making sure you cover any exposed leg or shoulder. You take your right hand out, doing your best to appear meek and feminine as you talk to the man you want. You put your right hand in, making sure you’re extra submissive. And then you do you do your very Christian best not to shake it all about.

Love shouldn’t be like that. It’s not what God intended.

And this isn’t even really what attracts Christian men—it’s just what guys often pretend to be attracted by so that they can fit into Christian dating culture.

Those are boys with religion. You want a man with theology.

So what do men with sincere Christian faith truly look for in a woman? What will give them that twinkle in their eye when they see you?

Let’s go through 7 things that will make you attractive to a real Christian man.

Be Confident in Who God Made You to Be

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What’s that prime rule of dating for Christian women? Oh yes—be submissive.

Want a real Christian man? If quiet, meek submissiveness isn’t already an integral part of your personality, you throw that out the window right now. And even if it is, listen up—this is going to help you, too.

God made you. He crafted you. His divine fingers carefully and intentionally formed every last aspect of your physical, emotional, and psychological self. You are beautifully made to be who you are for a reason.

If you’re strong, He made you strong. If you’re ambitious, He made you ambitious. If you’re intelligent, He made you intelligent. If you like to dress masculinely, shoulders covered in spikes, hands encased in fingerless gloves, well, that’s a part of how you were made, too.

A lot of Christian women are told to be and act a certain way while playing the dating game, and most of it is just not scriptural. These misconceptions stem from misinterpretation, and a lack of critical thought when it comes to the historical context of the Bible—especially in the Old Testament.

You can display every trait that makes you yourself, and you can do it in a way that is pleasing to God. You can be strong without being unkind. You can be smart without being disrespectful. You can dress the way you want, and God’s just going to cheer you on, because He’s going to be thinking, “Hey, I made that”.

Be true to yourself, and you’ll stand out from the sea of church-culture clones. The real, mature Christian man will recognize the uniqueness of your being and cherish you for it.

Know Your Worldview

Why are you a Christian?

If you can’t answer that question in thoughtful, specific terms, it’s time for some homework.

The church seems to tell women to leave the theology for the boys, but you’re not going to listen to that. You’re going to stand out in the best way possible. You’re going to become intimately acquainted with your own worldview.

This means learning the whys of your faith. Why do you love God? What do you believe about His nature? How do you read scripture?

You can start pouring the concrete foundation for your Christian worldview by learning how to correctly interpret scripture. To do this, you need to look at three things—context, history, and relation to the whole.

Every verse in the Bible features a narrator, an audience, and a place. Learn all three, because it can wholly change the meaning of a verse. Look at the history—what else was going on in the world at the time the verse was written in? And how does that verse fit into the Bible as a whole? Is it contradicted? Is it reinforced?

Do this, and you’ll suddenly find yourself able to discuss your faith on a deeper and more satisfying level than ever before. And who better to discuss it with than that amazing Christian man you’ve had your eye on?

You may just find yourselves bonding over the wonderful aspects of God’s character, both subtle and grand, and engaging in friendly debates—a sure way to build romance.

Live Out Your Faith

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Once you know your worldview, you can start living out your faith. And nothing is more attractive to a Christian man than a woman who actively pursues a Christ-like life.

Jesus is the ultimate example of right action. He was kind. He was charitable. And even when He was flipping tables, He was battling against not human beings, but social constructs and ideas that tarnished the image of God in the eyes of man.

Be like Jesus.

You can do this by doing your best to foster and exhibit the fruits of the spirit, as laid out in Galatians 5:22-23—love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness.

Do this inside and outside the church—be the ambassador of God wherever you go, showing others His glory. This doesn’t have to be overt. It can be as simple as saying “thank you”. It can mean choosing not to lash out at that slow cashier.

No matter how well someone grasps their theology, if they don’t live it out, and live it out with love in their hearts, it’s worthless.

But if you know your faith, you can live it out all the better, and when you live it out well, you become a beacon. You stand out in the crowd of part-time Christians who haven’t truly integrated the Word of God into their everyday lives.

You’ll be noticed by those Christian men—that’s a promise.

Go After Him

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This is a big no-no in the church. Women just don’t pursue men. It’s not how it’s done. It’s positively sinful!

Except it’s not.

There’s nothing in the Bible that indicates God’s displeasure at a woman catching the attention of a man. Nothing. What you’ve been told is a cultural norm, not a command from the heavens.

So go after him. See him over by the coffee pot? Go over and introduce yourself. Become friends. You’ll quickly be able to tell if he’s your type, and if he is, great. If not, you can move on with your life.

But if you never try, you’ll spend weeks, months, and maybe even years hoping and waiting on a man who simply might not have any idea you exist.

So if you’re getting impatient about making the first move, take a breath and go talk to him. Give him clues, as he may simply be clueless about dating, or simply shy.

If you want something, reach out for it. That’s how you get what you want in life. You may have learned that this turns Christian guys off, but it doesn’t—most guys are delighted when a woman initiates.

So go run over to the coffee area after the service is over—or maybe during, if you’re feeling naughty—and get talking. The old adage is true; fortune favors the bold.

Love Yourself

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The key to any relationship—not just those between two Christians—is loving yourself first. If you cultivate a great relationship with your own person, your relationships with others will be so much better.

What does this look like? It means taking care of own needs, first of all—staying healthy, managing your finances, and being responsible in all the ways that count. Learn how to take care of yourself.

And don’t forget to delve into your hobbies and your calling. Develop your private, personal life—after all, no man can or should be your everything. You’re more attractive when you have your own life.

But most of us can do all that quite well already. It’s the next step that’s hard.

Cultivate a positive view of yourself. This means forgiving yourself of your mistakes, letting go of what you can’t change, and realizing that you are beautifully made. Absolutely beautiful. Remember—our human minds are trained to pay attention to the negative. It’s bred into us after centuries of having to watch out for tigers, snakes, and angry monkeys. It takes work to stay positive.

Keep at it, though. If there are things you don’t like about yourself because they hurt you or others, you can change them! That’s the beauty of being human.

When you love yourself, you glow, and you’re not afraid to be exactly who God made you to be. It’s exactly this that will attract a Christian guy to you like a moth to a beautiful flame.

Be Strong

If there’s one thing to remember that will make you stand out for a Christian man, it’s this: be strong.

This doesn’t mean changing your personality. If you’re quiet, that’s who you are. If you’re on the meek side, that’s fine!

But here’s what being strong means. It means not changing yourself to fit in to a manmade culture. It means staying true to your worldview and values and even your personal style when you’re questioned and pressured.

It means letting a guy know you’re not going to be walked on.

Rather, you want him to know that you’re strong and capable and that you will remain you. Make sure you greet him with a firm punch in the shoulder to let him know that your beauty will not overshadow your strength. Make sure he knows you're the best option to fight by his side during the impending Biblical apocalypse.

That is how you attract the good ones.

If a boy balks and starts stammering about the place of women , well, he’s misinterpreting scripture. The Hebrew word used to describe women in the Bible is “ezer,” which means “helper.” But this isn’t just any help. In literally every other use of the word throughout scripture, ezer means aid from powerful military forces, or from God, Himself. Do you think Moses would have ever demanded that God keep His Hair brushed? Let that sink in.

So if a guy can’t accept your strength, maybe he’s not the one for you. He’s not strong enough for a relationship with real Christian woman yet.

But you bet a real Christian man will take note.

Seek Wisdom

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Finally, seek real wisdom. It is this that will set you apart from all those who spout legalistic Christian jargon.

Wisdom is nothing more than the learned ability to discern—to follow the correct course of action based on knowledge and deep understanding. And in this case, the arbiter of what is correct is God.

Wisdom is more than following the rules—no set of rules can cover all situations Wisdom is knowing what actions are right in the eyes of God, and which are only correct in the eyes of men. True wisdom is about living by the two great themes of the Bible—reverence to God, and respect for all people.

And when you have it, wisdom is obvious to others from the moment they see you—it comes out in your body language, in your speech, and in your actions.

It’s also beautiful and attractive—especially to Christian men who know the rarity of it. Seek wisdom, first for yourself, and then for the sake of others.

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