5 Things to Remember When Continuing a Relationship After Infidelity

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Being cheated on by a romantic partner can be excruciatingly painful. It is often so painful because it is one of the worst forms of betrayal of trust. Your rights have been taken away from you, at least temporarily. If you are in a monogamous relationship, you have the right not to be cheated on. Trust and the violation of rights are huge contributors to the pain infidelity can cause. Infidelity can unleash devastating consequences on a couple and is often cited as the ultimate deal-breaker in a relationship, over both emotional abuse. Despite this, over half of married couples decide to weather the storm together rather than split up. Unfortunately, the healing process doesn’t happen overnight and strong feelings of hurt, guilt and resentment will show up time and time again. But there is hope. With forgiveness, a lot of hard work, dedication and determination, you and your spouse can recover. If your choice is to stay together over divorce, here are five things to remember.

Full Disclosure

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There can’t be anymore secrets and the cheater must practice full disclosure. While full disclosure is painful, it allows for transparency, verification and vulnerability. Couples healing from the pain of infidelity need to gain insight into what went wrong without accusing. While it’s true that some partners will feel angry, hurt and betrayed when they learn their loved one has done something unacceptable to them, full disclosure is one of the best ways to regain trust which will ultimate rebuild intimacy. In order to do this, the cheater must become aware of their vulnerabilities and explore the reasons for returning to their partner. A partner may want a more active sex life without blaming their spouse for being distracted and not initiating sex more often. It’s imperative that you get to the root of the issue to truly deal with the infidelity.

Defensiveness

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Defensiveness is the number one thing to avoid when talking to a hurt spouse. Statements like, “Well, you didn’t give me the time of day, so what was I supposed to do?” actually pass blame to the partner for the cheater’s cheating. This is an unhealthy spiral that will only lead to issues. Instead of making accusatory statements, make “I” statements like “I felt so lonely.” This statement doesn’t assert blame for actions. The antidote to defensiveness? Taking personal responsibility. In order for trust and love to be reestablished , the person you’re with needs to feel like in they’re in a safe, but also empowered environment where they can truly express how they feel.