5 Ways to Survive Infidelity in Relationships

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When someone you love betrays your trust, it can feel like a hurdle that is too big to overcome. After the flood of negative emotions – betrayal, anger, sadness, fear – how are you supposed to even attempt to move on as a couple?

The most important thing to ask yourself is “do I want to try and stay together?” If the answer is yes, then you have a chance of really surviving the infidelity. Through all the pain, heartbreak, and betrayal there is still a light at the end of the tunnel if you want to strive for it.

There is no doubt that a cheating partner can be one of the hardest things a relationship will ever have to face. However with a little love, patience and a lot of honesty, it’s completely possible for your relationship to survive infidelity. Here are the ways that you can overcome the dreaded slip-up.

Ask Questions

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If you have been cheated on, there are millions of questions you want to ask your partner. First, it’s usually the factual details: How often did you meet? When did you cross the line from friends to lovers? How many times? Later, this might change over to deeper questions as you begin to think about your partner’s emotions, reasons why they may have had the affair, and you begin to see weaknesses in your own relationship. All of these questions are good!

More and more dating experts agree that couples heal better after acts of infidelity if the cheating spouse gives all of the information requested by his or her betrayed partner. Willingness to talk rebuilds trust. The key is to not hold anything back, and no more secrets.

Be Honest About Your Feelings

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The best policy is to keep and open line of communication between you and your spouse. You will want to learn how to best balance your rage with your need for information. You will want to scream, cry and lash out, however those emotions will prevent you from having an honest dialog with your spouse and you will be unable to get the answers you need in order to recover. If you are too upset to talk, stop the conversation. It can be something addressed later.

Overall, don’t be afraid to discuss how the affair has affected you. Discuss your doubts, disappointments, feelings of betrayal and abandonment, anger, and sadness. As your partner builds a wall between them and the former lover, help open a window of intimacy between the two of you.

Know When to Stop Discussing

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While this might be on your mind constantly, there should be a time limit on how much you talk about the affair or else it will take over your entire marriage. Set a goal and restrict yourself to 30 minutes. Here, you can be open and honest about how you are feeling and ask questions without letting the affair take over your lives. Do still ask questions as they arise, instead of building up resentment though. Find a balance that works for you and your spouse.

In addition, find time to spend with your spouse where you both agree to not talk about the infidelity. Connect as friends and romantic partners by doing the things you have always enjoyed together. This will help build a foundation of trust and reconnect the marriage on a more basic level.

Find Support

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If you have been cheated on, reconnecting with family and friends, and even finding a support group to join, can help you feel less isolated. You might feel that you have no one to talk to, but there are options out there for you to get individual counseling and support. Take time away from the home to focus on yourself. Have you missed going to trivia night at your friends or wanted to check out a new local band? Break away from some of the negativity.

Furthermore, it may be a great idea to find professional support as a couple. Couples counseling can be incredibly helpful after a cheating incident and can help keep you on the right track as you move forward. Your therapist will give you a safe space to be open and honest about your feelings.