The last thing any loving husband wants to hear is that their wife has been unfaithful. But the truth is, you’ve probably been unfaithful and may not have even realized it. Typically, when we think of cheating, we think of a physical affair; however, being unfaithful can go much deeper than a physical relationship. It isn’t just sleeping with someone other than your spouse.
Affairs involve our deepest emotions, and before we know it, we are so far gone our marriage can’t recover. We begin to prioritize someone or something else over our spouse and no longer put our marriage first. When a marriage becomes a last priority, there’s no place it can go but downhill. Here are six ways women have an affair. Some are pretty clear, and others are less obvious.
Daydreaming.
Daydreaming may seem harmless at first, especially if it doesn’t involve sexual lust, but if you find yourself daydreaming about a person who isn’t your spouse, it’s not only wrong but also problematic. Infidelity begins in the mind. When you daydream about another man, you are allowing him to replace your husband in your thoughts, and that is being unfaithful. What may have started as an innocent daydream can cause great strain in a marriage. More often than not, reality doesn’t live up to the storyline playing in your head. The more you obsess over the faultless man in your head, the more faults you find in your husband in real life.
Letting friends dictate your relationship.
When you surround yourself with friends who don’t respect your relationship and those who aren’t secure about their relationships, your marriage will quickly fall into a toxic place. We are who we hang around. We must surround ourselves with people who are uplifting and encouraging. While it’s important to create time for your girlfriends, you shouldn’t be spending more time with them than your husband. These kinds of friends who throw caution to the wind aren’t there to support you but to sabotage your marriage. They will give you bad advice. They won’t think twice about you flirting with another man or spending time away from home. They will allow you to fall on a slippery slope and won’t be there to catch you when your marriage falls apart.
Not setting boundaries with people of the opposite sex.
One of the most vital components to creating a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship is to become a master of setting boundaries in your marriage. It would be best if you created boundaries with male co-workers, friends and acquaintances. If you don’t, you may quickly find yourself in a vulnerable position. What may begin as an innocent friendship can easily spiral into an emotional or physical affair. The next thing you know, you are thinking about this man more and wishing you could spend more intimate time with him. There is nowhere this sort of relationship can go but downward.
Focusing too heavily on yourself.
Contrary to popular belief, you can be unfaithful to your spouse with yourself. How, you might ask? When you begin to choose self-gratification over spouse-gratification, you’re being unfaithful. There’s nothing wrong with having hobbies, being involved in activities or enjoying time with your friends. The problem occurs when you choose these things over spending time with your spouse and don’t care that you’re doing just that. Second to God, your spouse should come first. If you’re selfishly choosing “me time” over “us time,” you are being unfaithful.
Keeping secrets.
When you keep secrets from your husband and don’t consult him daily, you create distance from your husband, which can eventually lead to separation. The secrets always begin small. They may show up in the form of little white lies. You start telling yourself that he doesn’t need to know about the flirty text your guy-friend sent you or the lunch you went on with your male co-worker. Why can’t I have a lock on my phone, you wonder? He doesn’t need to know my private business and who I’ve been texting. Despite how good a job you’re doing rationalizing or hiding this, it will come back to haunt you.
Technology.
The heavy use of technology in your marriage can be problematic for a number of reasons. First, it stifles good communication. If you’re one of those couples who go to dinner and you both immediately pull out your phones, you may be more focused on what’s going on in the world than what’s going on in your marriage. Secondly, technology is an easy access point to cheating. Social media provides a space for not only public messaging but also private messaging. Messaging another man without your husband’s knowledge is deceptive and can take you down the path of infidelity.
Marriage can be rewarding, but it can also be challenging. Some days, you may feel like the grass is greener on the other side, and it may be best to step out on your husband. However, having an affair is never the answer. The best thing you can do for yourself and your marriage is to discuss your feelings with your partner.
Talk to your spouse and ask him what you’re currently doing or what you could potentially be doing that would make him feel threatened, disconnected from you, or cheated on. If you’re doing any of these things and you value your marriage, it’s time to stop immediately. Be honest with your spouse about your actions and what you’ve been feeling. Honesty is one of the first paths to healing.
