5 Questions That Will Tell You if You're Ready to Date

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You think breaking up is hard to do? Figuring out how to know if you’re ready to date again is even harder. If you’re just coming out of a long term relationship, a difficult divorce, or you haven’t be in a relationship in a really long time, it can be hard to tell if you’re ready to date again. But life goes on, whether it feels like it or not, and sooner or later, you start to feel the urge to pick yourself up again and get back into the dating game. How you move forward really depends on your current state and your past relationship. For some, it might be easier to get back into the dating scene, while for others, it might take longer than expected. The best time and way to start dating again is when you’re not seeking the affirmation of someone else, but feel confident in your own skin and in the direction you’re moving in. No matter how confident you are, though, you and only you will know when you’re truly ready to jump back in. Before you take the plunge, here are five questions that will tell you if you’re ready to date.

Have you let go?

Before you start a new relationship with anyone, you have to ask yourself this question. When it comes to understanding the heart, the simple and complicated truth is this: One your heart deeply connects with another person, it can be very difficult to let him or her go. So difficult in fact, that even if you know they aren’t the right person for you, you will still hand on because the depth of connection is so strong. This connection may have only been felt in moments or perhaps it was felt years ago and hasn’t surfaced in a while. Because the heart connection existed, it’s hard to say goodbye. So it’s super important that you know where your heart is before you begin opening your heart up to someone else. If you haven’t let go of your past, there’s no way you can move on with someone else and shape your future.

Are you doing it for the right reasons?

Another imperative question you must ask yourself is whether you’re trying to date someone for the right reasons. If the answer isn’t that you are ready to open your heart and let love in, you’re not ready to start dating again. Being in a relationship has all sorts of perks. You have someone to talk to, someone to be romantically connected with and do things with at any given time. While relationships are great, there are definitely the right and wrong reasons to decide to date. One of the worst reasons to start dating again is to avoid loneliness. Having a significant other definitely makes your days and nights a lot less lonely, but if you’re only dating in order to distract yourself from feeling lonely and being alone, that’s a problem. Another bad reason is desperation. Being desperate often lands you with the wrong person and a lot of wasted time.

Have you recovered your sense of self?

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Before you start dating, you have to ask yourself if you’ve recovered your sense of self. It’s easy to feel like you don’t know yourself anymore after you’ve come out of a long term relationship. You may struggle with your identity a bit because you’ve spent so much time being in a couple role, and wonder if you even know yourself. A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin from a pair of Stanford University psychologists suggests the reason why some people are better at moving on after a breakup than others is because, for some people, breakups feel like a reflection of who they are. They found that recovery from rejection depends heavily on how you view yourself. Ultimately, the stronger your sense of self, the easier it is for you to move on.

Do you know what you want?

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It’s so important that you know what you want before starting over in a new relationship. It’s not just about what a new partner can offer you, but what you can also offer in a relationship. First, know your strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing and understanding our limitations enables us to work on them and find partners who will compliment us. This can be difficult because our strengths and weaknesses are often one and the same. For example, you can be demanding, in that you are constantly trying to push your partners to be the best they can be. This can be a weakness because it causes you to place heavy demands on partners which can lead to disappointment and resentment. Also, it’s very important that you know your worth. Far too often, we stay in relationships that aren’t gratifying because we don’t value ourselves.

Have you got time?

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Finally, ask yourself if you really have the time to commit to dating someone. It seems like people are always looking for love, but single life can be pretty great. You’re independent, you don’t have to compromise, and you get used to doing things 100 percent your way. Of course, when you finally meet the right person, this can make it difficult to adjust to being in a relationship. While it can be tough, it’s not impossible. A relationship isn’t just a physical investment, but also an emotional investment as well. Too many of us get into relationships without having the time to really nurture the relationship. We meet someone, have a great time with them and then we’re suddenly dating that person exclusively, without really thinking about how this will impact other areas of our life and ultimately, neglect the relationship in the process.

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Too often, we focus on romantic relationships because we fear being alone, and because it’s easier to get approval from someone else than it is to validate ourselves. As a result, many people jump from one relationship to the next without fully understanding why the previous relationship didn’t work. This also leads incompatible people to get married or stay in relationships that no longer satisfy them. Before you move on with someone new, have a clear sense of self and know what you ultimately want out of the relationship. While most of us want to find our “other half” the best relationships occur when two whole people unite and allow their love to complement their already enriched lives.