Getting Over the Man You Thought was “The One”

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The end of a relationship can be absolutely devastating. When you think that God finally has shown you “the one” you are to spend the rest of your life with, only to realize that it wasn’t meant to last, you really struggle. The feelings of anger, sadness, and rejection make life seem unbearable. How do you get over the guy you were planning to marry? The one you wanted to have a family with and grow old together?

While it is rarely easy, it is possible to move forward with your life. You may have felt the breakup coming, or you may have been completely blindsided by its ending. Regardless of the circumstances, getting over someone you thought you were going to marry can be tougher than other breakups. God, however, has a plan for you. God is working with you and will help you through this difficult time.

When you are working to get over the man who hurt you, try out these tips. It will help you become at peace with the loss while also pushing you to grow as a person. You can get over him!

Grieve

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It’s important to know that grief is not only reserved for when you lose someone to death. Grief is important when losing any type of relationship; family, friends and yes, relationships. You should want to acknowledge the love the two of your shared and honor that time in your life, especially if it is someone you thought you would spend a significant amount of time with. It was a special moment, and it can be hard to let that dream go. Naturally it might be tempting to try and move on quickly as possible, ignore your feelings, and try new things. The feeling of sadness and understanding the weight of the loss is so important though. By skipping out on the period of sadness, you are not giving yourself the chance to process what happened. Grieve the loss of your relationship by reflecting on the pain, understanding what went wrong, and trying to learn how you can have better relationships in the future.

Love Will Fade

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You will still be in love with your ex for some time, and know that this feeling is normal. Love is a true gift to be experienced, however part of growing up means realizing that love isn’t always enough to make a relationship work. Many factors and circumstances will cause relationships to end, and moving on from a relationship that isn’t working doesn’t always mean ending the love that you feel. The romantic love that you feel, however, will not always be so strong. Over time, you will be able to let that romantic love evolve into a type of love that encompasses compassion and care for the other person. You can love the other person for the memories they gave you, the time you shared together, and the lessons that were learned. Work towards becoming at peace with your past, and the romantic, hard-hitting feeling of being in love will begin to fade.

Ask For Help

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Losing the person you thought you were going to marry isn’t the same as a normal breakup. There are more complex emotions you have to work through and it can be hard to navigate them on your own. Dealing with getting over someone is a painful process, so do not be afraid to ask for help. While you are sorting things out, find a trust friend or family member that you can discuss openly with. Start talking with someone that can help you prioritize what needs to be done and focuses on your health and well-being. If you are still struggling, think about speaking to a professional. They will be able to give you completely objective advice, help you sort out your feelings, and guide you in the right direction. This is a great idea if you are someone who tends to take out your anger and sadness on others.

Time Heals

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For most of us, as time passes, we can start to heal painful feelings. Not surprisingly, the first year following a break up is often the hardest. Birthdays, anniversaries and special days can provide a fairly constant reminder of what’s gone. As you move through life and get yourself back on a regular routine, you will begin to mend your heart. Throw yourself into healthy activities and focus on your future. Look forward at the exciting things to come, and the waves of sadness from the breakup will become less and less frequent. It can take a long amount of time, especially when it’s someone you had planned a full future with, but time will make it easier to handle. You will begin to learn how to avoid triggers that remind you of your pain and instead be able to turn your darkness into light.

Cut All Contact

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While this is incredibly hard, since you have been accustomed to talking to your man every single day, this is an important step. Keeping an ex in your life is only going to hurt you in the long run. Many will keep in touch with an ex and create a friendship because the idea of completely letting go of the relationship seems too overwhelming. While a friendship may be possible down the line, being friends cannot happen in a genuine way until you have overcome the pain and hurt of the breakup. It is important to be your own best friend right now, because you feel more vulnerable due to the pain. Protecting yourself from situations that bring you down, focusing on your own self-care, and creating healthy boundaries is essential during this time. Politely let your ex know that you need space before you can contact them on a regular basis.

Know Your Value

Managing feelings of rejection can be devastating to your self-worth. It can feel that the person you trusted the most decided that you weren’t worth it anymore. His actions during this time can make you feel that you have no value, but it’s important to know that none of this is true. When you talk to God, you will remember that you are much more than the pain you have experienced. You are loved beyond measure by the Lord, and His heart breaks with yours does. He will teach you, though; that the abandonment you fell has absolutely nothing to do with your value as a person. You are a child of God and His beloved creation. Your circumstances and your past do not reflect your value. If you are having a hard time bumping up your self-esteem, try out things you know will make you feel good. Get dressed up and go out to dinner with friends, volunteer at a local soup kitchen, or create a work of art. This will all help make you feel better about yourself.

Focus on Personal Growth

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While being single sounds terrible after you thought you found “the one,” it doesn’t have to be. This actually can be a great time to discover yourself, find who you are, and grow into who you want to be. Did you always love to paint, but stopped when you got into the relationship? Go back to it! Throw yourself into activities that lift you up and allow you to be whoever you choose to be. By focusing on your own personal growth, you will be able to be more secure in the person you are and this will lead to stronger and healthier relationships down the line. Focus on spiritual growth with God, too. Having a solid foundation of faith will give you something to fall back on when times get tough. You will be amazed at how resilient you actually are when you focus on yourself and learning how to become more mature.