Dating as a young single Christian woman can be frustrating and overwhelming. How do you know if he is the right one for you? Does God approve of you dating? You know there is no such thing as a perfect husband, so is this as good as it is going to get? Would a marriage to him be settling?
Almost everyone has thoughts like these at some point during their dating years. As women, we are constantly told by society that we need to get married and have kids in a certain timeframe. Heck, a lot of times even the church you go to and the friends you keep will promote this idea. It can make even the strongest, most independent women feel that she needs to settle down, and fast.
The truth is though, that no Christian women should ever settle for less than God's best.
This means that if you have doubts about the relationship you are in, then you leave. If you don't feel that you are getting enough respect, then you break up. If you don't feel that your church, friends, and family would accept him, then you move on to the next one. While this might sound a bit harsh, it's the way God wants you to handle things.
God has a better match for you.
God already has a specific person in mind that will be your best match. He won't be perfect, but he will be better than anyone you thought could come along. You won't find that you are compromising your values and morals to be with the guy, or feel that you have to ever change yourself. God wants you to be happily paired up with a person that compliments the talents and personality that he gave you.
If you seek God's council and wisdom, He will navigate you through the dating pool to the one you are supposed to be with. Jesus said in Matthew 7:7–8 to "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." By speaking with God about the person you want to be with, you will feel more secure while you wait for them to come along. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us that when we trust in the Lord, He will straighten out our paths. He will work towards giving us the best life we could have. So make sure to keep the faith even when you feel like giving up.
Not all Christian men are right for you.
This is not to say that the men you have dated in the past weren't good for you. You most likely will date a lot of guys that are great on paper - good job, Christian, excited to have a family and the like. However for whatever reason, in those relationships you feel like something is missing. The connection just isn't quite right. Though you both cared for each other, it's OK to admit that you aren't the best match for a lifetime.
Giving up relationships that you don't think are God's will long term can be difficult. You might not be ready to give up on someone who you think really is a great man. You might ask yourself the question “what if he is my last hope?” You want so desperately to get married that you blind yourself to reality. You know deep down in your heart, though, that it isn’t the one God had for you.
Ask yourself these questions if you are unsure of what God’s plan is. First, are you staying with this guy out of fear of never finding someone else? Are you compromising who you are as a Christian to date him? Are your friends telling you red flags about the relationship that you choose to ignore? Lastly, are you staying with him because you don’t think anyone else will propose to you? If you are answering yes to these questions, then it’s a sign that God has something else in store for you.
If you stayed in the relationship, you would be settling for less than what you deserve. You have to be fully ready to obey God’s plan for you and submit yourself to Him. In these situations it can be incredibly painful to breakup, and God understands this. However He knows that being in a less-than-desirable marriage outweighs the pain you feel now about the breakup.
Start focusing on yourself.
Being single doesn’t have to feel like the end of the world. Many times women get into relationships and throw all of their energy into it, making themselves feel empty when it comes to taking care of themselves spiritually, mentally and physically. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to build a perfect relationship in the hopes it will result in a marriage. Instead, start putting that energy back into your own life.
Take the time to be a selfish single. Go on a trip you have always wanted, read a new book, or join a workout group you like. Through these adventures, you will become a stronger, more confident and developed person. You will begin to see yourself as the amazing women God sees you as, and that will attract more men than you ever imagined. You will find that when you stop looking for love and marriage, people will start coming for you. God will surprise you with the one you are supposed to marry when you least expect it.
At the end of the day, only God knows the plan for your life. However if you seek Him out, ask for His guidance, and surrender yourself to Him, the steps you are supposed to take will start to reveal themselves. You won’t feel the desire to settle for less than what you deserve, because you will feel empowered to wait until God presents you with your best option.
