“There is a saying that every nice piece of work needs the right person in the right place at the right time.” - Benoit Mandelbrot
While many have finished their quest to find their Mr. or Ms. Right, not all of us have been so lucky. The quest to find the person we want to spend our lives with is fraught with heartache, disappointment, and more than a few failed attempts. While we look at each one of those attempts with a bit of negativity, we should look at them as positives.
After all, if we want to be with the person who adds value to our lives, brings us peace and happiness, and who wants to travel down that path with us until the end of our days, choosing the right person is an absolute must. No one wants to set forward on their path to success dragging around Mr. or Ms. Wrong. Our goal is the same regardless of who we are as individuals; find the person we want to spend the rest of our life with that is right for us. But how do we know if we’re looking at the right person or if we should move along and continue on our journey?
The first step in knowing if someone is right for you is to first know yourself. If you don’t know who you are and what you want, how can you possibly choose a person suited to hold your hand on your journey. Figure out who you are as a person, what your goals are, what type of lifestyle you want to lead, and what is important to you. That person you are dating right now…have a conversation with them where you to discuss who you are, what those goals are, and what is important to you. If their path runs a different course than yours, you may not with them to tag along on your journey.
Have they seen you in hole-filled, paint-splattered sweatpants, a t-shirt that matches only due to its level of destruction, and your hair standing on end? Did they think it was the cutest/sexiest thing they have ever seen? Hang on to that one. People who genuinely like, care, and are attracted to you when you look your worst and actually like you just as you are, on the right track. If the feeling is mutual, you just may have a keeper. Being together over the long haul means they are going to see you at both your best and your worst. If they don’t like you at your worst, they are not right for you and need to take a hike down their own path all by their lonesome.
Do you bring out the best in each other or the worst? Couples who can argue over the price of milk on a Sunday, get crabby or grumpy within moments of entering the same room, who suck the will to get off the couch right out of you, or who are headed down a path you want to steer clear of are in the category of Mr. and Ms. Wrong. Relationships that work out in the long run are those in which each person brings out the best in the other. If you had the worst day at work and see your partner and it all evaporates…good sign. When you face challenges from the outside world and form a united front to battle back the beasties while supporting each other’s efforts and at the end of the day still want to snuggle on the couch, you may just have the right person.
So, your idea of fun is walking knee deep in mud to dig clams, think open air camping is the best life has to offer, and have a blast listening to banjo music played by under the stars and turn to find that your partner is grinning and having a blast right along with you. Good sign. Couples need to be able to have fun together on a regular basis and enjoy doing some of the same things. If the only time you get together is to discuss bills, responsibilities, and chores and never have any fun, this relationship will feel like a job you can’t wait to leave. While it is not necessary to enjoy all of the same things, you should be able to have a little fun together on a regular basis.
When you sit down to discuss an important issue does it turn into a huge argument that has the neighbors banging on the ceiling or are you able to find solutions that work through conversation and compromise? Effective communication is the foundation of every successful relationship. If you are able to communicate which each other in ways which is acceptable to both of you and are able to work through issues that pop up, you may be with the right person.
Aside from effective communication, the most important factor in determining if you are with the right person is whether or not you trust each other. If you constantly doubt your partner (justified or not), this does not bode well for success. If you are able to put your full trust in your partner and feel secure that they will never betray it, you may have found your Mr. or Ms. Right. While each person’s idea of the ideal person is different they should be compatible with the way you intend to live your life and have the characteristics and traits you want in a partner.
