Dealing with a Sexual Past in a Marriage

As much as you may want to, you can’t get around it. The person you’re married to probably had sex with someone else before they had sex with you. Maybe it was with a few people. Maybe it was with a lot of people. And honestly, some of the experiences they shared with you may not leave you feeling too comfortable or secure about the relationship. But if you want your marriage to work, it’s your responsibility to deal with that past. No one said it’s easy to deal with your partner’s sexual past, especially if it’s more colorful than your own. If you find yourself getting jealous, you’re not alone either. Jealously is something that most people have to deal with at one point or another in their marriage. The great news is we have the power to move past it. Here are five things you should do when dealing with a sexual past in a marriage.

Fight Pride

Shutterstock.com

Many of us were told growing up to guard our hearts and were warned that forming too many romantic attachments before marriage was like giving away pieces of our heart. If we weren’t careful, when it came to our relationships we wouldn’t have anything left to give in our marriage. Because of this notion, some people place their assurance in a whole-hearted future with their partner, when they should also be rooting their heart’s affections in God, the only one who can ultimately satisfy us. If you walked into the relationship without a sexual past, but your partner had one, it’s easy for pride to get in the way and for you to hold their past over them which isn’t healthy for your marriage either.

Fight Envy

Shutterstock.com

It’s easy for envy to show up, particularly at the start of a marriage. Envy can be difficult to pinpoint for a newlywed, because in a sense, we have a right to be jealous for our husbands. When you marry someone, you are one flesh. We are not called to share them with other women. Prior to marrying your partner, you may have guarded your heart and kept the marriage bed sacred. You may have saved everything for your partner. If your partner didn’t do the same, some difficult emotions may show up including anger and bitterness. It’s imperative that you recognize that there is a fine line between zealous protection of marriage and petty jealousy over the past. Don’t let the little things destroy your marriage.