Friendships. We all need them, and we know we need them, but there’s some hidden tension that nobody discusses when it comes to making mom friends. Making mom friends is hard; making, keeping, and managing friendships is hard once you become a mommy.
Making friends can be challenging in any season of our lives, but something shifts when motherhood enters the picture. You realize that you need a different kind of support. However, it’s not easy putting yourself out there. Being the new mother in the group can feel like you’re in high school again. The strange looks and giggling can make anyone fall back.
However, when you feel left out, awkward, or unwelcomed, you should remember that you’re not meant to fit in with every group, and there will be some moms that you won’t click with, and that’s okay. Certain friendships will come more organically than others. There will be friends who stay for the long haul, and others will go in and out of your life for different reasons. However, once you put these relationships into perspective and realize that God has a purpose for our friendships, we start to understand how meaningful friendships are.
We see how they can bless our lives with understanding and truth. They also offer encouragement and wisdom and become a beacon of hope that you’ll need on your motherhood journey.
What God says about our relationships.
God has plenty to say about our relationships, and we’ll find numerous examples of relationships throughout the Bible. We know that God is love, and these stories convey His compassion for us and how He cares about our fellowship with others, including other believers. His Word shows the biblical road map on how to navigate relationships.
Friendships are our resource for accountability and growth. They get us through any other relationship while helping us connect with God more intimately. They also remind us of our promise to our spouse and encourage us as parents. Real friends know their place, know there’s a balance, and respect your boundaries.
Unfortunately, the world doesn’t accept this pecking order of relationships. We can see that with the broken homes and sinful relationships that fail around us. Thankfully, God guides and gives us freedom from getting into destructive relationships. We can find independence in being covered by Jesus Christ and letting our relationships follow His lead.
The truth is we’ll never love like Jesus, but we can try our best. If we choose to love and see others as He does, show kindness, and be servant-hearted, we’ll be following His example. When it comes to mommy friendships, they may be hard to come by, but if you start by being the friend you want, you’ll find that God will bring you the exact friends you need. You may wonder what makes a good mom friend? Here are some traits of a good mommy friend.
Supportive.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us that we should encourage and lift each other up. There’s nothing like a supportive friend. They understand, listen, and you can depend on them. You know they’ll be on your side if you open your heart. They want to encourage you and put your family and marriage first, realizing that their friendship makes you a better mom and wife. There’s something special about a friend that celebrates your wins wholeheartedly and is there for your losses.
Vulnerability.
Vulnerability is essential in any good friendship. While it’s not easy, being open brings friends closer, letting each into the messy and precious parts of their lives. Letting others into our hearts lets us go deeper and find more than surface-level friendships. If we play our cards too close to the chest, our friends can pull away and feel like they’re not connecting. James 5:16 reminds us to share our sins so we can pray for each other. A good friend offers their heart and prayers.
Reciprocity.
Healthy friends are purposeful, investing energy, time, and love to keep it going. However, reciprocity can only happen when both friends give and take. Offering and receiving help is okay, but there has to be a balance. Friendships require sacrifice from both sides. A one-sided friendship can significantly damage both friends’ hearts, as it leads to feelings of unappreciation and a bitter end. When friends are equally yoked and want to serve the other, the blessing of a friendship happens.
No comparisons.
In friendships, you have to realize that you’re all on the same team. Everyone is doing the best they can, so it’s helpful to recognize that motherhood is hard for everyone. Everyone faces their own demons; when you find friends you can let your guard down around and be honest with, you put comparisons aside and decide to see the best in each other. It lets us show our favorable attributes and gives us a way to complement each other instead of competing. A good friend wants you to become a better version of yourself and will cheer you on along the way. Galatians 6:4 reminds us that we should test our own actions and take pride in them without comparing them to someone else.
Honest and trustworthy.
Honesty and trustworthiness are the foundation of any relationship. It’s the glue that keeps friendships together. Are we really connecting if we can’t be honest and authentic with our friends? If we can’t foster trust and know that what we say will be kept within the friendship, will that friendship be able to grow? A true friend notices your blind spots, gently calls them out and loves you anyway. They’re there to hold you accountable and bring your burdens to the Father, not gossip about them.
Building friendships is tricky in any circumstance, but it can be challenging as a mother. In the early stages of motherhood, you’re trying to navigate your new life and desire companionship. If you’re lucky enough to find your friend tribe, cherish them and don’t let them go. Remind yourself that you’re a daughter of Christ and deserve valuable friendships.
