6 Reasons Why Its Still Smart to Wait Until Marriage

The Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16-20 brings up some points about sex outside of marriage that are strong enough to challenge anything that pop culture has to say about it. Aside from the fact that the Scripture opens up with “Sex is as much of a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact”, it also states this as well: “Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever - the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’”

Although we’re living at a time when the “hook-up culture” is ever so popular (Luke 6:26-Message) and waiting until marriage may seem antiquated at best, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lot to be said for maintaining not only old-fashion values about sex, but biblical standards too. Here are six reasons why, even now, it’s still smart to wait until marriage to have sex.

The Relationship has a Firmer Foundation

There are a lot of married couples who will tell you that there will be times in your marriage where friendship is the glue that’s holding you together more than anything else. But when sex is a part of your dating relationship, oftentimes it is a distraction from building that kind of foundation. Rather than talk problems through, you have sex. Rather than spending time to really get to know one another, you have sex. Before you know it, sex is your “go to” more than just about anything else. And before you know it, you may realize that there’s more of a physical attraction that a true compatibility. You don’t want to find all of this out after marriage. In fact, something else that a lot of husbands and wives will also tell you is sex should be the “icing” of a marriage; not the “cake.” In other words, if that’s all you really have in common with someone, your marriage is going to be unstable, at best. Sex is not about “making love.” In marriage, sex is about celebrating love; the love that exists between two friends who’ve taken vows to be with one another - for life.

Trust Can be Established

Say that you and the person you’re dating were raised to believe that sex is only for marriage (Genesis 2:24-25, Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:9-10, I Corinthians 7, etc.), but the two of you decide to have sex anyway. Don’t you think there will be a part of you that questions if your partner truly has your best interest at heart? Especially when it comes to your spiritual health and well-being? Integrity is a sign of character and when you do get to a point and place of considering marriage with someone, you want to feel like they are reliable and safe. That you can trust them with all that you have. Any person who says “I love you enough to want to wait until I’m committed for life to be with you” is someone you can put a lot more confidence in than “Let’s have sex and figure it out as we go," don’t you think?

You Can Trust Your Judgment More

Would you trust someone who is drunk or high to make wise decisions? Sexual pleasure is one of the greatest feelings that anyone can have, there’s no doubt about that. At the same time, it can cause you to think that just because someone can make you “feel good” that they actually are good for you. When you’re engaging in sex, a hormone known as oxytocin is released. As a result, you start to attach to your partner. That’s why a lot of couples tend to feel a lot closer to one another after sex rather than before it. That’s awesome, in marriage. The problem with this transpiring before marriage is it can cause you to think that you’re “in love” when you really might be on nothing more than an “oxytocin high." Waiting until marriage helps you to think with your head rather than your libido. And when you’re “sober-minded,” you can trust your judgment a lot more than when you’re not.

There’s Less Stress

Depression. Migraines. Insomnia. High blood pressure. Heart-related issues. One thing that all of these health problems have in common is that they can be brought on by stress. And although there are many health benefits that are directly connected to sexual activity (weight loss, better sleep, increased toning and flexibility, just to name a few), when you’re engaging in it with someone you’re not in a long-term committed relationship with, there are other factors to consider. Marriage is designed to be a permanent union (Matthew 19:6), but when you choose to have sex outside of it, those relationships tend to be temporary. And when you’re not sure how long something will last, you run the risk of break-ups, unwanted pregnancies, STDs - drama. And with drama comes stress and stress, over time, can do a real number on your mental, emotional and yes, physical health and well being.

You Don’t Have to be “Ashamed”

Genesis 2:24-25(NKJV) says this: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” The Amplified explains verse 25 this way: “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.” Keeping all of this in mind, marriage vows are sacred. Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 reminds us that God takes all vows seriously. And so, although pop culture is consumed with body image and sexual performance ratings and comparisons, when you have sex in marriage, none of this has to a real concern. Weight gain, stress marks, how “good” or “bad” you are not things to be worried over or ashamed about. Sexual satisfaction is important in marriage, sure. But when you’re married, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You are loved for who you are as a person, not just what you can bring to the bedroom. There is a real spiritual and sexual confidence that comes in knowing that. One that you’ll never fully get by having sex outside of marriage. Plus, if there is a part of you that is convicted about sex outside of marriage, you don’t have to incur any kind of guilt or shame either. It’s a win/win all the way around.

It Really is Worth Waiting For

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Get a room of 100 married couples together who were not virgins when they got married and ask them if they wish they had waited and you might be surprised by how many will say “yes”. That takes us all the way back to I Corinthians 6. When I John 2:16 states that all that’s in the world is lust and pride, it’s important to remember that lust is solely flesh-related. All lust cares about is physical stimulation. But being that God created sex and he is a Spirit (John 4:24), yes, sex is made to be spiritual as well as physical. In fact, it should be seen as a spiritual experience first and a physical connection second; that it will build up your spirit as much as it will benefit your body. Not only that, but when you’re having sex in a marital relationship, you have the freedom to embrace all of the advantages that God designed for married people to enjoy: becoming one, having children (Malachi 2:15), monogamy and fidelity, mutual loyalty, trust and respect, in the bedroom and out, until death parts them. Married sex is strong enough to encompass all of these things. So yes, it’s definitely worth waiting for.