One of the greatest benefits of being in a deep, meaningful relationship with someone is gaining that level of comfort that only time and experience can provide. But with that comes some behaviors that should be off-limits, no matter how tried and true the relationship is. This isn’t about things like passing gas or waxing your upper lip.
Love and respect run much deeper than that, and as wives, God calls us to a high standard, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10. We are emotionally wired creatures, and revealing certain behaviors can often have a more damaging effect on our man’s view of us than we could have ever imagined. Here are some things we women should never do in front of men.
Self-deprecate.
Let’s face it: we all love to be at the receiving end of a compliment. But sometimes, when we aren’t getting the affirmation we need, we tend to fish for them. One way of doing that is by being self-deprecating. When we consistently say terrible and negative things about ourselves, sooner or later, it brings these notions into fruition, and our man will inevitably begin to believe them and even worse, so might you. A confident woman is far more attractive than one who doesn’t respect herself—so keep your commentary about yourself optimistic.
“For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” Proverbs 3:26
Drive poorly.
How many times have you heard a man joke about a “female driver”? As harsh as it is for women to be at the bud of that jab, even despite the fact that we are statistically less prone to accidents and risky driving behaviors, it’s a stereotype that we can perpetuate by exhibiting poor driving behaviors in front of our men. So put aside anything that distracts you: your phone, makeup, the radio, food, etc. Keep your eyes on the road and be acutely aware of your surroundings.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
Doubt yourself.
Women are often (unfairly) criticized for being indecisive. While it’s totally okay to be unsure of things, it becomes less okay when we drastically change our minds (or conversely can’t make up our minds) on life’s more pressing issues. Avoid making rash decisions and take the time you need to sort through the decision, but make sure you are thorough and thoughtful in your logic so you aren’t tempted to change your mind. And don’t be afraid to stand behind your decision, even when the odds are stacked against you. Our men always appreciate a decisive, self-assured woman.
“Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Lose your temper.
There is absolutely a time and place to get angry. It’s not an emotion that should be stifled or hidden, but it should be reserved for only the most warranted of situations. Recognize the difference between being angry and losing your temper. Anger is reached after thoughtful consideration and examination of all circumstances. Losing your temper happens spontaneously, prematurely and often before understanding all aspects of the issue. Next time you find yourself on the brink of losing it, refrain from taking action on it and give yourself a few moments to collect your thoughts (or even sleep on it) before making any rash conclusions.
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” James 1:19
Get overly jealous.
It’s okay to get a little jealous of your man from time to time—after all, God is jealous of us, too (Deuteronomy 4:23-24). But we need to be careful and not let our jealousy over asinine things spiral out of control, as over time, it can be a cancer in a relationship. The more you express your jealousy, the more your husband is going to take measures to avoid unwarranted confrontation from you, and that’s not the kind of marriage you want to be in. Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage, and by trusting our husbands, we are showing them our love and support in the best possible way.
“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” Proverbs 12:25
Criticize his manhood.
So your man may not be the handiest around the house, or perhaps he’s not quite athletically inclined. That doesn’t mean you need to remind him of these facts. In fact, seemingly harmless jokes or comments of that nature can severely emasculate a man. Our words carry so much power, and kind ones can have a wonderfully lasting effect on a marriage.
“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.” Ephesians 5:22.
Draw comparisons.
Drawing comparisons to other people and other relationships is unhealthy, unproductive and can lead to unrealistic expectations. When we point out our differences, in particular in regard to our husbands, it can ruin their confidence and confuse them. God brought the two of you together in the most unique way; no two stories are alike. What’s great is that you can achieve an even better relationship than you can imagine when compared to others—put God first, and He will guide the way.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear it.” Ephesians 4:29
You may have the kind of relationship where you feel like you can be comfortable with your spouse or partner, but there are still some things you shouldn’t do in front of him. If you find yourself participating in these behaviors, do what you can to stop yourself.
